A Bedtime Story by Earl P. Holt III
Once upon a time there was a self-anointed “eco-warrior” named Timothy Treadwell. Now Timothy had a very active imagination, and considered himself a “supernatural alien” on “a mission of peace” amongst his friends, the Alaskan brown bears (Ursus Arctos). This he did yearly, from June until October on the Alaskan Peninsula.
Timothy even adopted names for some of his better friends, christening them with such monikers as “Boobles,” “Chocolate,” and “Freckles.” He claimed to be protecting his friends from poachers and licensed hunters, but this turns out to be untrue, like most of the autobiographical info he volunteered to interested parties.
Timothy kept what he considered to be “meticulous diaries” of his excursions into the alders with his new friends, which he later sent to his financial sponsor, a Colorado rancher named Roland Dixon. Timothy would wax lyrical about his “transformation” as “a fully accepted wild animal” and “brother” to Freckles, Boobles and Chocolate. He described how he ran “free amongst them with absolute love and respect for all the animals.”
In addition to mischaracterizing himself as a guardian of his brown friends — he pitched his tent in a national park where hunting was illegal and poaching incidents quite rare — Timothy also lied about his surname, his country of origin, his adult criminal record, and his extensive history of drug and alcohol abuse. Despite this, Timothy was regularly invited to indoctrinate grade school children in his romanticized view of the relationship between man and carnivorous wild beasts.
In a moment of unusual hubris, Timothy once boasted that it would be an honor “to end up in bear scat.” In October of 2003, Timothy got his wish and, moreover, at least two of his friends got a sample of that rare but treasured delicacy, Liberalis Deliciosos. (Adapted from Thomas McIntyre, “Reality Bites,” FIELD & STREAM, April 2004.)
[...] The New Timothy. [...]