Fun With Goons With 11-Letter Last Names

TechTree:  Mozilla Urges Users to Download Firefox

Really?  What would really be news is if Microsoft urged users to download Firefox.

CNS:  Iran Slams US Policy in Middle East; Calls for ‘Change’

David Axelrod writing speeches for Obamadinejad?

Time:  Are Ahmadinejad’s Days Numbered?

Becuase there’s a school of thought in the State Department that he’ll live forever.

CNS:  US Can’t Say If Mexico Has Prosecuted Killers of 128 Americans

Because the disposition of criminal cases in Mexico isn’t even a fuzzy art, much less an exact science.

Sydney Morning Herald:  Am I the new Pauline Hanson? I hope so

Are you the next Prime Minister of Australia?  I hope more so.

AP:  Police: 3 dead in shooting in eastern Ky.

Ironically, in the city of Hazard.

AP:  Illinois DOT plans to leave more roadkill behind

Gov. Rod Blagojevich responds by proposing a program called No Roadkill Left Behind.

Bob Dole Looks In Mirror

Politico:

Bob Dole yesterday sent a scalding email to Scott McClellan, excoriating the former White House spokesman as a “miserable creature” who greedily betrayed his former patron for a fast buck.

In an extraordinary message obtained and authenticated by Politico, Dole uses his trademark biting wit to portray McClellan as a classic Washington opportunist.

“There are miserable creatures like you in every administration who don’t have the guts to speak up or quit if there are disagreements with the boss or colleagues,” Dole wrote in a message sent yesterday morning. “No, your type soaks up the benefits of power, revels in the limelight for years, then quits, and spurred on by greed, cashes in with a scathing critique.”

“The proper thing to do in this situation is to hawk Viagra,” Dole confided to the interviewer later.

Other than the treason, Bob Dole is describing himself almost to a tee.  Dubai Brothers, anyone?

Changed on the Blogroll

The Political Cesspool’s blog is now James Edwards’s personal blog.  As a reminder, TPC returns this Sunday, from 4 to 7 PM.

Fun With Vlad

San Diego Union-Tribune:  51 percent [of Californians] support same-sex marriage

The other 49% didn’t know how to answer the question because the pollster asked it in English.

NPI:  Hire ex-con in Philly, get $10K annual tax credit

Worth your while only if the ex-con employee makes off with less than $10,000 of your assets.

CNS:  McClellan’s Book Intended to ‘Change Washington for the Better’

He came to Washington to do good and will wind up doing very well indeed.

Malkin:  Big Nanny Baltimore wages war on cheap cigars

If it will be fought with the same acuity as Baltimore’s war on crime, then the cigars have nothing to fear.

Malkin:  Lenin statue in Atlantic City

It would be more appropriate in Trenton.

KC Star:  Sarah Steelman bought a gun today.

Plan B, if the election doesn’t go her way?

KSDK:  Minor League Team in Cleveland Offers Free Funeral Giveaway to Fans

The Major League team in St. Louis should do the same, because its former owners selling out to Belgium might as well be St. Louis’s funeral.

CBS:  Clinton Casts Wide Net of Exaggeration…

Wish CBS would have done this story in 1992.

WND:  Cover up! Locker rooms going coed

The rest of us to experience what professional athletes have been going through for two decades.

WND:  ‘All whites racist’ indoctrination revived!

Revived?  When was it ever shelved?

WND:  Where have all the workers gone?

Bangalore.

Glenn Beck on CNN:  Commentary: Slavery alive and well in US

Members of the former working middle class now only feel like three-fifths of a breadwinner.

AP:  Colo., W.Va. gamblers could be nabbed for child support

So, if they lose, will their children have to do with less?

AP:  In Miami, Spanish is becoming the primary language

Remember, the city of Miami has official English-only ordinances on the books.

Time:  After Immigrant Raid, Iowans Ask Why

Because they were illegal aliens, duh.

Politico:  Dems woo Native American vote

Woo?  As if Native Americans (or anyone else) are seriously considering voting Republican this fall?

They Woke Up Early For Uganda

P-D :

OAKVILLE — The street was lined with cars. Someone splashed in the pool. Every now and then a basketball sailed into the street. Noise echoed a block away.

Something was definitely up at the Noblitt home.

Behind a high wooden fence, more than a hundred high schoolers lounged around. Just about everyone held one of those ubiquitous red cups. A teen stood on the deck taking cash from folks as they arrived.

But this was no wild summer keg party. It was actually a charity event. A two-on-two basketball tournament. For children in Africa.

Come again?

Let’s back up. Wednesday’s Second Annual Noblitt Classic was the brainchild of 17-year-old Matt Noblitt and his older sister, Katie. It began when Katie Noblitt, 22, who just finished her senior year at the University of Missouri-Columbia, watched the documentary “Invisible Children,” about child soldiers in Uganda’s decades-old conflict.

(snip)

The proceeds go to the charity Invisible Children, which grew from the documentary’s success. Katie and Matt Noblitt expected this year’s haul to be close to $1,500.

(snip)

Added Jordon Winheim, 17: “It’s summer. I might just be waking up now. Instead, I’m actually doing something.”

The teenagers huddled around a short basketball court, pavement sunk in the yard where grass once was. The hoops were lowered to 8 1/2 feet, so plenty of kids could dunk. Balls flew as shots were blocked.

I wonder if Ugandan child soldiers will feel insulted to know that American teenagers are so patronizing as to lower the basketball hoop by a foot-and-a-half.  I noticed that all the young men were wearing shirts — to empathize with Uganda’s poverty, all the games should have been skins vs skins.  If there were any black players, were they made to pay an entry fee, or did the do-gooder Nobiltts recognize the centures of slavery and discrimination and let them in for free?  When they send their money to Uganda, will they include a letter asking whatever Ugandan warlord will receive the money asking him nicely to use the money for humanitarian purposes and not to hoard it for himself?

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

P-D :

Peanuts are OUTTA here!

The crowds are fine. The popcorn won’t hurt anyone. But the peanuts and Cracker Jack have kept some fans out of the old ball games.

On Wednesday, though, the River City Rascals offered fans their first peanut-free seating. And on July 21, Section 328 of Busch Stadium will go peanut-free, allowing allergic Cardinals fans to watch a game without worrying that peanuts will cause a reaction.

Wrigley Field will do them both one better, by censoring the third line of that song they sing in the middle of the 7th.  Later lines won’t be censored, because Cubs fans are used to losing.

Nixon’s The One

Says the Republican-leaning SLPOA.  Two words:  Recognizing Inevitability.

The Keating One

Jo Mannies:

Republican presidential contender Ron Paul will have some competition when he shows up in Branson for a Friday night rally.

Former Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating — a Republican who served two terms and is a close ally of presumptive GOP presidential nominee John McCain –will be the featured speaker Friday night at the Missouri Republican Party’s pre-convention gala.

The state GOP’s event — like the Paul rally – begins at 7 p.m. on Friday, at the Chateau on the Lake Resort Spa and Convention Center in Branson, MO.

The rest of the article is the state GOP singing Keating’s praises.  Don’t count me in — The one thing I remember about Frank Keating’s tenure as Governor of Oklahoma is that he did everything he could to prevent a real investigation into finding out the truth about what happened in his state’s capital city on April 19, 1995.  As Keating is ex-FBI, he probably still maintained a lot of organizational fidelity with the Bureau, and thus had as much incentive as anyone not to let the truth come out, which would most likely be monumentally embarrassing to Federal law enforcement.

I think Keating’s arrogance is the reason why Oklahoma now has a two-term Democrat Governor, who won his first term in an upset victory in 2002.

Subway Admits

WND:

Subway says ’sorry’ to homeschoolers

In the wake of news coverage about its exclusion of homeschoolers from a student essay contest, the Subway restaurant chain has issued an apology and vows to include students educated at home in its next event.

Last weekend, WND broke the story of the eatery’s discrimination, as the firm made it clear on its website the campaign was not open to homeschoolers.

Written apologies are now being e-mailed to people who contacted the company to complain.

“We at Subway restaurants place a high value on education, regardless of the setting, and have initiated a number of programs and promotions aimed at educating our youth in the areas of health and fitness,” said Subway spokesman Jeremie Roche.

“We sincerely apologize to anyone who feels excluded by our current essay contest. Our intention was to provide an opportunity for traditional schools, many of which we know have trouble affording athletic equipment, to win equipment. Our intent was certainly not to exclude homeschool children from the opportunity to win prizes and benefit from better access to fitness equipment.”

“Provide an opportunity for traditional schools.”  Subway just admitted that they banned homeschoolers because they wanted to give public school students a chance to win.  It seems like homeschoolers win all the spelling bees, geography bees, and other contests where they are permitted to enter.  Like I said in this medium several days ago, who would want Olympic track athletes to participate in an elementary school field day?

By the way, does Subway think that homeschooling families aren’t interested in sports and fitness equipment?  If anything, it’s harder for them than school districts to purchase it.

Shorpy Does St. Louis (and Home Ec Class)

Up until recently, Downtown St. Louis on a Sunday morning in 1940 looked like Downtown St. Louis after 5 PM on a weekday.

As far as the cooking class at a suburban D.C. high school, the gender politburo, both government and private, would probably shut this class down if it were held today, for one very obvious reason.

Hurt

You never realize how many uses you have for a particular muscle until it starts hurting.  My upper middle back and neck, in case you’re wondering.  Among many other things, it made eating today’s barbecue less than pleasurable.  It also made barbecuing today’s barbecue less than pleasurable.  Seems as if the only functions that don’t rely on that particular muscle are sitting straight up with your shoulders tensed, and lying on your back.

Cattin’ Around With Headlines

NYDN:  Ted Kennedy: I’d like wife to take seat

If he doesn’t get his wish and Barney Frank succeeds him, then perhaps Frank can request that his husband takes his seat in Congress.

WDEF-CBS-12 Chattanooga:  [S.C.] Principal Resigns Over Gay Student Group

In other news, a San Francisco principal resigns over straight student group.

WND:  Subway sandwich contest: Homeschoolers not wanted

I can understand why not — would you want Olympic athletes in an elementary school field day?

AP:  Cat hired as station chief brings passengers back

Maybe that’s what the TSA needs.

Time:  Roadblocks Ahead for Gay Marriage

Get those roadblocks out of the way, right-wingers.  Because gay marriage is inevitable. </msmagitprop>

AP:  Obama urges Wesleyan grads to enter public service

But takes the black theology grads aside and gives them directions to 400 W 95th St, Chicago IL 60628.

Sixth’s Time’s a Charm

Libertarian Party nominee.  It took six ballots, but the LP conventioneers chose Bob Barr over a more conventional libertarian, choosing a big name who is in 80% agreement with LP principles than a nobody who is a purist.

Since the LP is on the Missouri ballot, my current plan is to vote for Barr if Hillary is the Democrat, and to vote McCain if Obama is the Democrat.  If Hillary is the Democrat, then I would imagine that the LP will set records for the Presidential ballot in every state that it is on the ballot.

Speaking of which, don’t be surprised if the Democrat convention needs more than six ballots this year to pick a nominee.

Fun With Microsoft

LXer: South Africans don’t understand OSS – Microsoft

Many South Africans can’t understand computers, much less the intricacies of the software that runs on them.

Reuters: Microsoft’s Ballmer finds eggs don’t suit him

But by the looks of him, he is rather fond of triple cheeseburgers.

P-D: Mayors: EMTs need protection

And I guess regular people don’t need protection.

KSDK: Locksmith Cracks Oregon Safe that Baffled MIT Expert

Ironically, professors at MIT’s Boston-area neighbor clammor for the end of the working middle class and skilled tradesmen.

KSDK: 114-Year-Old School to Close

Bad news for those in the 113th grade.

NPR: Speedway Gears Up For Danica Patrick

You mean she’s the only contestant?

NPR: Can Stanley Cup Finals Save Hockey?

I give it a better chance to save hockey than the World Series saving hockey.

AP: AP engages pastors, parishoners about racism in US

And every once in awhile, the AP might take a break from political activism and actually report the news.

Time: Beijing Passes Initial Earthquake Test

With 80,000 dead, I would hate to see how failure is defined.

Time: John McCain, You’re Not Funny

So that’s why he appeared on SNL last week.

LiveScience: Texas Polygamy Case Based on a Lie

Oh good, that news by itself will automatically and instantly undo the pain caused when CPS/DFS lesbian dyke/hags ripped children out of the arms of their mothers.

AP: Yahoo postpones annual meeting, battle with Icahn

Uh, Yahoo? Carl Icahn specializes in hostile takeovers. You just tipped over your hand and showed him that you’re hostile.

“Remove This Thing”

AP:

Male circumcision gains as Kenya anti-AIDS weapon

KISUMU, Kenya – Sitting underneath the bright murals at a clinic, 22-year-old Elijah Ochanda gestures at his shorts and explains: “When they remove this thing, it makes you safer.”

(snip)

Bailey’s study in Kisumu, western Kenya found infection rates were cut by 60 percent among men who were circumcised. The study, funded by the U.S. Institutes of Health and the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, was one of several that led the World Health Organization to include circumcision in its prevention policies a year ago.

Meaning that 40% of the men who had “this thing removed” still got AIDS. Little comfort for them. Mr. Ochanda, the odds aren’t that much in your favor — your best bet would to keep that “thing” in your shorts more often.

Seriously, I can just see it now — many African men will get circumcized based on the myth that they won’t be able to get AIDS, and they’ll think they’re home free, and they can do whatever (rather, whoever) they want, meaning the infection rate will soar even higher. This is what happened when African AIDS patients were administred the cocktail. They thought they were cured, when all the cocktail does is to mitigate the virus at best.

Uncomfortable But Not Immoral

WND:

Iran fights national threat from neckties

Iran is considering a new campaign to fend off the latest threat it has faced – men’s ties.

“Imports of some apparel are not banned but serious action should be taken to stop the import of ties which contradict the nature of Iranian culture,” Asghar Hamidi, the nation’s customs bureau deputy head, told the Fars news agency.

(snip)

The wearing of ties has been banned in government offices in Iran since the 1979 Islamic revolution because it represents a “westernization” of the Iranian culture. However, before that the U.S.-backed shah had promoted ties.

I have always wondered myself how western civilization evolved the notion that a man should wear a rope around his neck as a function of formality. You do realize that someone else with just the right strength and skill could choke you to death with your own tie, don’t you?

Die Hunde

USA Today :

At $4K each, K-9 imports draw howls

The government imports hundreds of untrained bomb- and drug-sniffing dogs from Europe each year for as much as $4,535 apiece, four times the price charged by American breeders, says a federal report out today.

The high canine price tags are prompting outrage from congressional and government spending critics and U.S. breeders, who say taxpayer money is being wasted.

“What kind of dogs are these — gold-plated?” asked Leslie Paige of Citizens Against Government Waste.

No, it’s just that Europe has far higher dog breeding standards than America. Just ask anyone who has owned American-bred German Shepherds and German-bred German Shepherds. It’s just about like comparing a Pinto to a BMW.

House Homeland Security Committee Chairman Bennie Thompson, D-Miss., called it “irresponsible” that the government is spending so much, even before it pays $15,000 per canine team for 13 to 15 weeks of training.

Now there’s the pot calling the kettle black. Let’s rely on the animal husbandry abilities of Bennie Thompson’s constituents. Go to any black neighborhood and you’re likely to find feral dogs roaming around in packs. Most of those are former pets jettisoned by their owners out of pure disinterest.

Lee Titus, director of CBP’s Canine Enforcement Training Center in Front Royal, Va., where the dogs are trained, said 90% of the dogs come from overseas because Europe has a long history of breeding dogs with the proper temperament for security duties. U.S. breeders, he says, breed mostly “pretty” show dogs or pets.

German Shepherds from Germany tend to be bred for temperament and health, while American German Shepherds tend to be bred for appearance and size, and that big size is too much for its bone/joint structure, leading to those infamous bone disorders and hip problems.  Then again, Americans and their penchant for dogs’ appearances has done a lot to screw up several good breeds.

I Knew RFK. RFK Was a Friend of Mine. Senator, You’re No RFK.

HRC says she’s staying in because she thinks that she could play the Humphrey to Obama’s RFK, as we all know what happened to RFK just about 40 years ago.  Actually, Hillary’s carpetbagging to New York to become Senator in 2000 is very much like what RFK did in 1964.  (Actually, I don’t think that RFK was his party’s frontrunner even after he won the California primary, as I said when a movie about his life came out November before last.)

Actually, if there is really any assassination threat, it would be if she would pick him as her running mate, and the ticket would win.  There would be a whole lot of black radicals that would be hunting for her head.

Fun With Irish Beer and German Bureaucrats

UK Telegraph:  Shania Twain to divorce Robert ‘Mutt’ Lange

Since she thinks he’s cheating, it doesn’t look like any man of hers is walking the line.

CNS:  Democrats Unaware of US Warning About Border Violence

That’s because Democrats Unware of US Border.

CNS:  ACLU: Police Enforcing Immigration Laws ‘Terrorize’ America

Yes, because I really smell the stench of a dictatorial wind on those rare occasions that ICE sends illegal aliens home.

KC Star:  UMKC education program to focus on urban ed

So, if the urban state universities get to focus on black children, does this mean the rural ones will get to focus on white children?

KSDK:  Probe of Student’s Drowning during Field Trip Finds no Fault

Because it hasn’t yet been taken up by the U.S. Justice Department, which will find that water itself is racially discriminatory.

KSDK:  How David Cook Won American Idol

By getting more votes than David Archuelta, duh.

AP:  Jobless claims drop to lowest level in 4 weeks

It should read:  Dropout rate from job search market highest in 4 weeks.

AP:  Naval Academy exercises take a more military focus

No kidding, the Navy is interested in miltary stuff?

Reuters:  Bureaucrats get taste of jail

Their release was delayed because their paperwork got bogged down in the jail’s bureaucracy.

Reuters:  Every pupil’s dream: the exam with answers on back

And every school district’s NCLB compliance officer’s dream, too.

Reuters:  New Irish PM Cowen apologises for use of “F” word

Said “Foster’s,” when he should have said “Guinness.”

Everybody Needs a Butler

Car Dealership Offers Free Gun With Purchase

May 22, 2008, Whirl Nut Daily Staff

BUTLER, Mo. – A western Missouri lemon lot is triggering interest in its lemons by offering customers free handguns with any automobile purchase.

“We are aware of the acute crime problem in America,” states Mark Smith, the owner of Min Motors.  “We want to be part of the solution, in order to allow honest citizens to dispatch thugs in order to give them a useful job for once,  pushing up graveyard crabgrass.”

“What we’re doing is to give everyone who buys one of our lemons a coupon for a handgun.  We have handguns on display, but because honest citizens, unlike the thugs they’re trying to defend against, actually get background checks before they buy guns, the coupon is redeemable at the local gun shop owned by my brother from another mother.  But we recommend to our patrons that they get a .45, because anything less when you’re up against a raging lunatic on a crack high might as well be throwing marbles.”

The promotion, which goes until the end of this month, has caused a stir among Bulter’s gun control activist.  Gregory Jones, who heads the Norman Bates County School District’s diversity outreach and civil rights enforcement division, and moonlights as the head of the county’s ADL chapter, told Whirl Nut Daily that since guns have misbehaved themselves badly in certain parts of St. Louis and Kansas City, that he does want the same fate to become Butler.

Jones spearheaded a six-person protest last week in front of Min Motors.  Smith’s reaction was that “these six people are a bunch of long-haired hippies who don’t know that that 1960s are over.  Heck, four of them came in cars with University of Missouri – Kansas City faculty parking passes, and one of the other protesters had press credentials issued by the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and a bumper sticker on his car that said ‘Obama 2008, Hope for AmeriKa.’  We all came out and told them we’d squish them like bugs, and you’d never seen hippie asses scatter so fast.”

“Those sorts don’t scare me,” the owner of Salton Arms, who wished to remain anonymous, “but what does scare me is when you got people pretending to be ATF agents calling me up at my business saying that they’re going to knock my store back if we don’t quit.  Though I shouldn’t be too scared, because the voice that spoke these words to me over the phone sounded like some girly man that you would’ve seen on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.  I don’t think there’s any flamers in the ATF foxholes.”

Local law enforcement officials took irate calls from the national news media after the promotion was announced, but found nothing legally wrong with it.  “They’re not doing anything wrong.  I just traded up to a new used Pinto, and got myself a gun coupon that way.  The gun I got from Salton Arms was a hell of a lot better than anything the city’s police budget could afford me.”

When asked if Sen. Barack Obama’s recent comments about people clinging to guns and religion inspired the promotion, Smith said yes.  “My next promotion is to give away a free King James Bible to any Muslim that converts to Christianity.  You see, them people are stuck way back in the 7th Century, and I think we should ease them into the 21st Century by letting them make a stopover by learning 16th Century English.”

“I got in a bunch of these shirts that read, ‘I voted Obama and all I got was this lousy T-shirt’ and it’s got a picture of a cartoon monkey on the back, but I figured with the ADL breathin’ down our neck all of a sudden, we better mind our caricatures for awhile.”

Why We Don’t See “Leave It To Beaver” on TV Anymore

Screenshot from the Season 2 episode, “The Bus Ride.”

Now I suppose it won’t be much longer until this episode, like the movies Birth of a Nation and Disney’s Song of the South , will be virtually quarantined and impossible to find through legitimate means, and will only be let out of the vault to be seen by “enlightened” and “progressive” film students, (this is Disney’s official position on SOTS), whom, unlike us unenlightened ignorant non-liberal schmucks, can’t be trusted to watch these movies and not have the impulse to run right out and re-implement slavery. Our nuclear weapon arming codes aren’t that well guarded.

Let Wally try something like this these days, and he would be looking at Federal prison time.  Hmm, that, or Ward yelling at him.  Pick your poison.

Kansas City Idol

Idol for me this season was more background noise than anything.  I wasn’t impressed with anybody in the final dozen, much less the David vs David snoozefest tonight.  Especially since Archuleta isn’t related to former St. Louis Ram Adam Archuleta, there was no chance that the NFL-breeding-Idol chain started last year by (the failure) Jordin Sparks, daughter of former NY Giant Phillipie Sparks, would continue.

As for David Cook, I suppose now that Blue Springs, Missouri will now be known for something other than the place where I-70 widens from two to three lanes per side as you approach Cow Town going west.

Fun With Bees, Dinosaurs, Donkeys, Mules, and Other Assorted Asses

Business and Media: ‘Squawk Box’ Guest Warns of $12-15-a-Gallon Gas

That translates to $1.54, in 2001 dollars.

KSDK: 25,000 Bees Found in Jerseyville Fifth Grade Classroom

So that’s where they all are.

S.F. Chronicle: Gay Iranian teen wins right to asylum in Britain

Half of Iran getting ready to come out, leave for London.

Reuters: Yoko Ono scores in feud over rare Lennon footage

Unlike her late husband, Yoko likes possessions.

AP: High gas prices drive farmer to switch to mules

Trouble is, mules like eating grain, which is also shooting up in price.

AP: Mexican donkey jailed for ornery behavior

But will get off because the cop forgot to read the donkey his Miranda rights.

AP: Dinosaur tracks found on Arabian Peninsula

Remnants of extremely large burquas found near the females’ tracks.

PCWorld: Sprint May Limit Its Unlimited 3G Plan

Sprint’s “Unlimited 3G” customers may send blank checks to pay their bills in retaliation.

Reuters: Pilots land on a wing and a prayer

Unlike public school students who are graduating right about now, who only have the wing.

AP: Great-great-grandmother, 96, does [180 mph] laps at Indy

She was taunted by younger drivers who yelled, “Hey, Grandma, get out of the way!”

Short Line

AP:

McCain media consultant departs

A top adviser is leaving Republican John McCain’s presidential campaign because he doesn’t want to work against Democrat Barack Obama.

Mark McKinnon, the chief media consultant to McCain, wrote in a campaign memo last year that if Obama won the Democratic nomination, he would not actively campaign against him. With the results of Tuesday night’s primaries in Kentucky and Oregon, Obama claimed he had a majority of convention delegates.

McCain doesn’t want to work against Obama, either. So they’re two peas in a pod.

Now I know why McCain is running as a Republican at all. The line is just too long in the Democrat Party, and there aren’t very many Democrats running for the Republican nomination, so I guess he figured he should queue up in a short line.

Why Won’t Max Motors Open Up a Dealership in St. Louis?

WND:

Forget free gasoline! Car buyers want free guns

BUTLER, Mo. – A Missouri car dealership is triggering interest by offering customers free guns or gasoline with any purchase, and despite the skyrocketing price of fuel, patrons are going for the guns.

“We are aware of the gasoline and crime problem in America,” states an ad on the website of Max Motors. It goes on to note it “wants to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.”

“What we’re doing is giving everyone who buys a new or used vehicle a free handgun,” said Mark Muller, the dealership’s owner. “We have guns to display, but we can’t actually give them a gun, so what we do is give them a coupon for a local gun dealer here in town so they can pick out any gun they want. We recommend a semi-automatic.”

The certificate is good for either $250 at Alton Arms or for $250 worth of gas. Muller told WND no one has chosen the gas so far.

And, if they are a Missouri resident that is legally allowed to buy the handgun, they can legally carry the handgun concealed in the car they buy from Max Motors within the state, and they don’t even need a conceal carry permit to do so.

When asked if Sen. Barack Obama’s recent comments about people clinging to guns and religion inspired the promotion, Muller said yes.

“My next promotion is to give away a free King James Bible to any Muslim that converts to Christianity,” he said.

Naw, go with a free Curious George T-Shirt.

Don’t They Know, It’s the End of the World

AP:

Boston contemplates life after Ted Kennedy

After the Boston Red Sox’s 86-year span without a World Series championship, perhaps the most familiar streak in Massachusetts is the half-century that a Kennedy has represented the state in the U.S. Senate.

Now, the news that Sen. Edward M. Kennedy has a cancerous brain tumor is forcing people to contemplate the day when he will no longer be there.

“It’s almost incalculable,” said Thaleia Schlesinger, whose brother, former Sen. Paul Tsongas, toiled in Kennedy’s oversize shadow before resigning in 1984 to cope with cancer that eventually killed him in 1997. “He’s the go-to guy over and over again. You just look at the universities, the hospitals, the high-tech industry, education, never mind health care. He’s always been there.”

Also, the sun may not shine, the flowers may not bloom (a given without the sun shining), Jack Daniels may not have a profitable fiscal year (a given without Ted Kennedy), John McCain might not have an amnesty co-sponsor (he apparently repulses Dianne Feinstein), and Cape Cod might get wind farms.

Really, this is just one of many examples of the MSM trying to make us think that the world’s going end if he’s not in the U.S. Senate anymore. Be that as it may, if the ball lands in Deval Patrick’s court, we know he’ll pick a extreme leftie, but I hope he’s not tempted to give it to another Kennedy or to Congressman Barney Frank, who has been wanting to move on up to the 100 Club, but can’t thanks to the fact that Taxachusetts has had the same two Senators since 1984 and a Kennedy in one of the seats since 1952, sans two years.

Room for Two

Reuters:

Microsoft says aids Office/open-source interaction

ST GALLEN, Switzerland (Reuters) – Microsoft said on Wednesday that starting some time next year it will make it easier for users of an open-source rival to work with Microsoft Office.

Without adding any special software to Office, users will be able to open documents sent to them in the open source Open Document Format (ODF), the company said. As well, users will be able to edit and save documents in that format.

The whole article is some 500 words long, but the author couldn’t spare two to tell you the name of that open source rival. Maybe they could have had the space if the author knew how to type the Euro symbol (€), ALT+0128 if you’re wondering, instead of writing out “euro” and “euros.”  But since this comes out of Reuters’ Swiss bureau, I presume that their keyboards have the Euro symbol, even if Switzerland still uses the Swiss Franc.

Fun With Thumbs

Reuters:  FBI concerns on prisoner abuse unheeded: probe

FBI concerned about prisoner abuse?  Are you reading this, T.S.?

KSDK:  Charles Barkley Says He Will Stop Gambling

TNT viewers got suspicious when the Chuck Wagon hoped that a certain team would win that night because he needed a new pair of shoes.

P-D:  Detectives will search for undiscovered graves at Manson ranch

Oh, my.  If they find more bodies, this might hurt Manson’s chances for parole.

AP:  Court says money discriminates against blind people

It also discriminates against a lot of non-blind people who don’t have enough of it.

AP:  Survey: Passengers call airline service ‘dismal’

The silver lining is that once they’re on the plane, they’re done with affirmative action TSA flunkies for the day.

Reuters:  NY Gov. Paterson in hospital with migraine

On the way out, he’ll stop by the STD ward and say hi to Eliot.

Reuters:  Nintendo launches new fitness video game in U.S.

In related news, Research In Motion will release a new application for the CrackBerry, called “Rock Hard Thumbs.”

Fun With Headlines

AP:  McCain sees right-of-center nation as he moves against Obama

In McCain’s case, seeing is not believing.

Drudge:  OBAMA: ‘We can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times… and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK’…

Last time I looked, we didn’t need other countries’ permission to drive an SUV, eat what we want, or to set our thermostat at 72.

AP:  Obama tells Tenn.’s GOP: ‘Lay off my wife’

No problem, Barry.  We have heard enough from her to know that nobody else wants to lay on your wife.

CQPolitics:  New Jersey Dems Rally Around Lautenberg

Democrats rally around an elected Democrat?  No kidding.

Short Arm of the Law

Why do parking enforcement cars in St. Louis City have police-style revolving lights on their roofs?  Parking enforcement officers are supposed to write tickets and put them on cars that aren’t moving.  Does someone at City Hall think that a parked car getting a parking ticket is all of a sudden make like KITT and speed away, such that the parking enforcement officer will have to turn the roof lights on and give chase?  After all, the parking enforcement cars are all four-door Chevy Cobalts (maybe Aveos) — like the Chevy Citation of the 1980s, it is physically impossible to get a speeding citation if you drive the civilian version.