MONTGOMERY, ALA. (FNN) – Just one day after the Belgian brewing giant InBev successfully purchased St. Louis, Mo.-based brewer Anheuser-Busch for $52 billion (€49.95), InBev purchased the Southern Poverty Law Center, a Montgomery, Ala.-based witchhunter of illusory right-wing extremists, for $1.3 trillion (€1248.75).
The dean of the Paranoia-Industrial Complex, the folks who spent lavishly to bring you the Intelligence Report, Teaching Tolerance, a blog and the eternal admiration of S.J. Reidhead, is being swallowed up by the Belgian brewer known for its frugality.
But InBev has an ambitious plan behind its $1.3 trillion acquisition of the Southern Poverty Law Center, hoping to tap into the its massive media-driven mindshare and make the visage of Morris Dees into a globally recognized icon akin to Coca-Cola, Pepsi or Che Guevara.
What remained unclear until today was the SPLC’s allure to InBev. However, in a joint press conference with SPLC Intelligence Director Mark Potok, InBev CEO Carlos Brita noted that the Center’s Montgomery, Ala. headquarters and the building that houses it looks like any given museum of postmodern art that Brita sees in his home city of Brussels, Belgium. “Wow, what an edifice,” Brita recalled that he thought when he first saw the building in person.
Also, Brita was impressed with the Center’s cash flow, and its ability to leverage every sighting of a white hood or swastika into an overwhelming fundraising putsch. “We can’t wait to bring their prowess and know-how to part leftist fools the world over from their money.”
The new corporation will be called InBev-Anheuser Busch-Southern Poverty Law Center (InBev-AB-SPLC), and in a concession made during the neogiations, will be based in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. “The most important thing was that the new company would be based in a totally, completely hate-free city, one where the threat of right-wing extremists disturbing our operations were as small as possible,” said Potok.
While most of the former SPLC’s operations will be translated to Amsterdam, Morris Dees, one of the Center’s founders, will remain in the Montgomery headquarters, which InBev has agreed to maintain. “I wouldn’t have agreed to the deal unless they would have promised a lifetime supply of Bud Light to me and Dick Cohen,” said Dees. “But I had to let them use the entire ground floor for Clydesdales stables.”
[...] The Pocket Trillionaire July 20, 2008 Posted by Webmaster in Zimbabwe’s Exchange Rate. trackback You’ll have $1 trillion in your wallet if you have ten of these. The catch is that it would be Zim$1 trillion, which wouldn’t be enough to buy a can of InBevWeiser, much less a whole brewery or a whole poverty law center. [...]