Not Michael Phelps.
KSDK: Police: Man Steals Playstation 3, Says It’s to Save His Family
Any family that needs a PS3 to be saved probably isn’t worth saving.
KSDK: Can You Out Eat Michael Phelps? Check Out His Menu
Unfortunately, a lot of people can, all the while they get nowhere near his level of exercise.
AP: Man banned from girlfriend’s home after noisy sex
All he has to do is marry her, and three months later, the sex will become a lot less noisy and a lot less frequent.
AP: Jackson Browne sues McCain, RNC over song in ad
It takes someone ripping off his lyrics to make Jackson Browne relevant again.
Dear Margo: When the “Sex Coupons” Are Not from Your Wife
Then you’ll be looking for a “Divorce Lawyer Coupon.”
AP: More women choosing careers in forensic science
More women are also choosing careers playing forensic scientists on TV.
Arch City Chronicle: Lie Down in the Streets of Downtown at 2pm?
The ability to do so and not get hurt will now be lauded by Mayor Slay as an example of St. Louis driver’s conscientiousness.
CNS: Feds Shouldn’t Force States to Recognize Same-Sex Marriage, Frank Says
This is probably the most conservative legitimate position possible these days, and the gay Congressman as advocating it.
Schlafly: Phyllis Schlafly: McCain Pro-Choice VP Pick ‘Mistake’
Just like McCain himself.
Malkin: Trump bails out Ed McMahon
By knocking on his door and presenting him with a giant check.
KY3 Springfield: It’s 7 p.m. and Your Phone’s Ringing
It’s probably either vinyl siding, identity theft insurance, or someone asking for “Shaniquaette” or “Boo.”
St. Louis American: How Did Robin [Wright Jones] Beat Rodney [Hubbard] (if she did?)
Because the M-NEA has deeper pockets than Rex Sinquefield.
KSDK: Chickens Roam Weirton [W.Va.] Streets, Wake Folks At 4 A.M.
In revenge, Weirton, W.Va. chickens that were waking people up at 4 AM are in ovens at 4 PM.
P-D: Wal-Mart pushes ahead with St. Louis area supercenter expansion plans
Time to push ahead with another logon to JibJab.
WND: U.N.-funded school honors infamous terrorist
The students who write the most virulent anti-white term papers will get As.
