Exculpatory — Based on Two Latin Words Meaning “Blame” and “Out”

I suppose if we’re to believe one Mr. Alexander Emmanuel RoidRiguez at his presser today at the Skankees spring facility in Tampa, during the time period of 2001 and 2003, he was just going along, pretty as you please, and one of his cousins snuck up on him while he was sleeping, lowered his drawers and injected some mystery substance from the Dominican Republic up his rump.  A substance which his cousin told him was a vitamin mix, which really turned out to be steroids.

If I had a cousin who did that to me, I’d cut him out of my will.  No Laffy Taffys for him.

I’m not buying it.  Spanish, as spoken in Latin America, is full of exculpatory words and phrases.  For instance, you don’t say that you dropped something, you say that it fell away from you.  That’s why I think A-Rod is trying to distract attention away from himself.  He comes from such a culture.  Aside from all the other reasons.

Also, A-Roid apologized for what (“it turns out that he”) did, calling himself “young and stupid” while he was taking (“what turned out to be”) steroids.  Of course, he was a wee lad of 28, you have to forgive his youthful impetulence.

Question:  How did this supposed cousin smuggle (what he knew to be) steroids in from the Dominican Republic?  He had to have passed through MIA, JFK or DFW while carrying the juice.  TSA, hello????  CBP/ICE, hello????  Surely, some agent somewhere in that alphabet soup would have popped anyone flying in from the DR with weird looking viles of liquid, vitamin or otherwise.  This is why I don’t think that this “stuff” was bought in from the DR, they were domestic illicit steroids.

Another question:  Mr. Rodriguez is a professional athlete of the highest caliber.  Are we really supposed to believe that he would be so insouciant about what was going into his body by way of a syringue during the peak years of his athletic life?  Are we supposed to think that he wouldn’t have been able to get a “vitamin mix” domestically without having to import it, that the Dominican vitamin industry is so much better than America’s?

Yeah, right.  You knew.  Quit obfuscating.