Go Directly to Jail. Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Attend the Beer Summit, and Most Certainly Do Not Collect $200.

SEMO:  Commission votes to pursue application of federal courthouse

So you’re telling me that Cape Girardeau would pay money to buy something they don’t want Larry Rice to have?  Come to think of it, so would I.

AP:  AP sources: Govt to suspend ‘cash for clunkers’

The program turned out to be the real lemon.

AP:  Convicted murderer spends years hiding in caves

Now that he’s been caught, he’ll be trading in his three colds and stone for three hots and a cot.

P-D:  Beer summit surmounts tension

It was a lot of brew-haha over nothing.

P-D:  Gates, Crowley agree to keep talking

Gates’s failure to stop talking is what got him in this mess to begin with.

P-D:  Robert Lowery Jr. heads to Washington for new job

Take your old man with you and stay out.

Debbie Schlussel:  OUTRAGE: U.S. Removes “United States” Border Sign b/c It Might Offend Terrorists

They just moved it northward in order to comply with truth in advertising laws.

AP:  New GI Bill sending veterans to school this fall

They’re going to be in for a real learning experience.  For example, they’re about to find out that they’re all a bunch of murderers and crusader infidiels.

AP:  Amazon sued over Kindle deletion of Orwell books

Indeed, censorship is freedom.

AP:  Cuba shuts factories, cuts energy to save economy

I’m not buying it.  The only country dumb enough to think that shutting down factories and cutting energy usage is the way to save the economy is the United States.

Reuters:  U.S. recession pains minorities, but hope persists

Wrong.

NPR:  At School, Lower Expectations Of Dominican Kids

How narrow minded of us soft bigots not to expect low IQ mulatto Caribbean kids all to become nuclear physicists.

AP:  Suspicious bag outside Harpo Studios is harmless

Suspicious hag inside Harpo Studios is not harmless.

AP:  Mich. man jailed for assault during Monopoly game

Wanted Park Avenue and Boardwalk, and got the Graybar Hotel.  Bond is set at 10 hotels and a thimble.

Caught With My Drawers Down

McPaper:  Obama: This is not a ‘beer summit,’ just a talk

A police sergeant, a professor and a President walk into a bar.  And I’m stuck here without a punchline.

CNS:  In the 70s, Obama’s Science Adviser Endorsed Giving Trees Legal Standing to Sue in Court

Now we have proof that LSD is a dangerous hallucinogenic.

CNS:  Angry Judge Considers Fate of Young Gitmo Detainee; May Return to Afghanistan

That’s like releasing a rapist out of jail and turning him loose in a strip club.

Take Two:  CNS:  Angry Judge Considers Fate of Young Gitmo Detainee; May Return to Afghanistan

You think the judge is angry?  Wait’ll you see the young detainee.

CNS:  Minnesota’s Republican Governor Acts Like He’ll Be Running for President in 2012

The good news is that we’re finally going to have a cure for insomnia.  The bad news is that we’ll have to wait until 2012.

Diane Meyer:  Illinois scores a zero

I know what you’re going to ask, and the answer is anything that’s desirable.

P-D:  Stimulus cash goes to East St. Louis projects

It is possible to find stimulus in East St. Louis; just don’t get off of 64 at Route 111 at any time when you can be seen, because the billboard will give you away.

P-D:  Chilling details of abortion doctor’s murder

Not as chilling as details about the abortion doctor’s abortions.

Give Up Now, Ed. You’re Only Batting .200.

Ed Martin, former Chief of Staff to Former Governor Matt Blunt, wants to joust a windmill.

Funny, he doesn’t look that dumb.

Aside from his failed tenure as a failure Chief of Staff to a failed one-term failure Governor, Martin was/is “an aide to the Archdiocese, leader of a push to keep Anheuser-Busch in American hands, and head of the St. Louis Election Board, not to mention his turn as a columnist for various local publications.” (i.e. the Arch City Chronicle, which gave up its dead tree and ink a few years ago.)

The CoS thing flopped.  There was nothing anyone could do to stop the ingrate fourth generation of Busches from pissing away what their fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers built, as if it were a toy they outgrew and wanted to hawk, so that was another windmill jousting.  Heading the St. Louis Board of Election Commissioners is only slightly more futile than teaching algebra to snails.  And I haven’t read anything of his in the ACC’s online presence since they stopped their paper edition.

I’ll give him the St. Louis Archdiocese.  It’s almost impossible to fuck up the Will of God.

One success and four failures.

Another Ohioan Is About to Go On the Unemployment Line. This One I’m Cool With Losing His Job.

His arrogant Yankee Cleveland ass flips the bird to the South, even though without Dixie, the Republican Party these days would be almost as successful as the Libertarians.

He must not read any history, otherwise he would know that the natural party of the white Southerner is Democrat.  The only reason why they haven’t voted Democrat for awhile is because the national Democrat party has left them.  As it is, it makes as much sense for white Southerners to throw in with the Party of Lincoln as did the Hitler-Stalin peace treaty, for almost the same reasons.  As you can see with people like Heath Shuler and a number of Blue Dogs, most of them white and Southern, all the Democrat Party needs to do to get white Southerners back is feign a little conservatism.  They might be faking it, but it’s no less vacuous and fraudulent than many Republicans.  Hell, some Republicans, such as those whose names start with V, don’t even fake it.

The Word of the Day Is “DUH”

Big Hollywood:  Lonewolf Diaries: Arresting Black People is Racist, You Pigs!

And not arresting them and the resulting crime wave in black communities will also be racist, us pigs.  So it looks like us pigs are stuck between bacon and a ham hock.

NYP:  JOAN RIVERS EVENS THE SCORE WITH JAY LENO

How?  By going on Letterman and showing off her non-funny style of comedy?

Urban Review St. Louis:  Why Does the Board of Aldermen Need a Summer Vacation?

Don’t look this gift horse in the mouth.  As far as I am concerned, they can take a summer, fall, winter and spring break.

McClatchy:  Taliban trained teens as suicide bombers, Pakistan authorities say

Among the other rumored plots the Pakistanis uncovered are plans to ram airplanes into New York skyscrapers.

AP:  Police: SC man charged with having sex with horse

As they led him off in cuffs, he yelled out “Equus Bonus Est!”

AFP:  US Senators target driving-while-texting

But won’t target pontificating while drunk, especially if it has to start in a committee with Ted Kennedy or Kit Bond.

AP:  Broadway musical version of ‘9 to 5′ set to close

How symbolic, people who act in a musical that portrays people having real jobs are, just like so many people who had real jobs, losing their jobs.

Reuters:  Fed job approval rating lower than IRS?

Maybe so, but at least neither one of them are Congress.

Onion Horton Said It, Not Me

“If you want to hide something from a Negro, put it in a book, and put the book in a library.”

Let that quote circulate through your mind as you consider this story from PC World:

Civil Rights Activists Champion Google Book Deal

A proposed settlement allowing Google to digitize millions of books will have huge benefits for minority populations and their access to valuable information, a group of civil rights leaders and educators said Wednesday.

The Google book settlement, scheduled to be reviewed in an Oct. 7 court hearing, would allow Google to scan and make available scores of books, including millions of out-of-print titles. The digitized books will give minorities and poor people new access to titles that were formerly only available at large university libraries, supporters of the deal said during a forum at the Howard University School of Law in Washington, D.C.

“The idea that a student in Boston at a very exclusive private school can read the same books that a student somewhere in an underfunded, urban public school, that they can have the same access to the same materials is actually just amazing,” said Professor Rhea Ballard-Thrower, law librarian at the Howard law school. “Books are the great equalizer.”

Among those speaking in favor of the digital books settlement negotiated between Google and book authors and publishers were officials with the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights, the League of United Latin American Citizens, and the National Federation of the Blind.

Somehow, I think Onion Horton’s axiom will still remain true even with e-books.

What amazes me more than anything is that the Southern Poverty Law Center isn’t involved in something that the LCCR and LULAC is.  Wonder if they’re not keen on GOOG digitizing the Pseudo-Intelligence Report.  They might accidentally put in in the fiction section where it belongs.

A Vote and Three Thousand Burros

Jihad Watch:  Virginia Islamic school valedictorian gets life sentence for plotting to assassinate Bush

The main reason why he was valedictorian is because he got an A on his senior thesis, “My Plan to Assassinate the Infidel Crusader President.”

KSDK:  Firefighting robots debut in London

Don’t bring them to New Haven, Connecticut, or Sonie the Phony will whine about the disparate impact they have on black and Hispanic wannabe firefighters.

WSIL:  Giannoulias Kicks Off Senate Campaign In Marion

I hope you enjoyed him today, Southern Illinois.  Cause his Greek ass won’t go south of Joliet again for the next year and a half.

AP:  Analysis: Poverty, graft behind Nigeria violence

Violence, graft behind Nigeria poverty.  That’s more like it.

Yahoo Sports:  AP Source: GM to end sponsorship of Buick Open

Wouldn’t it be funny if Toyota became the new sponsor of the Buick Open?

CNS:  3,000 Burros Will Deliver Ballots for Afghanistan’s Presidential Election

At this rate, burros will be called upon to deliver ballots along gravel roads for Michigan’s next big election.

CNS:  Obama’s Science Czar Said a Born Baby ‘Will Ultimately Develop Into a Human Being’

Don’t you know?  A Jewish fetus doesn’t truly become human until it graduates from law school.

Meet the Uhigirs

Yahoo Sports:  Bills WR Owens wants NFL to reinstate Michael Vick

The irony is that if TO and Vick were ever on the same team, crybaby TO would never get the ball and then start crying about it.

CNS:  Bernanke Tells Citizens He Had to ‘Hold My Nose’ Over Bailouts

He doesn’t want to smell his own shit.

Rush Limbaugh:  Moyers, Paragon of Virtue: Rush Incites “Riots in the Public Mind”

Oh no, both of Moyers’s viewers might think less of Rush.

CNS:  China’s State-Run Television Beams ‘News’ Programs to Arab Countries

Though there aren’t too many people in this world that can speak and read both Mandarin and Arabic, that news show will have more viewers than Bill Moyers.

CNS:  Conyers Sees No Point in Members Reading 1,000-Page Health Care Bill–Unless They Have 2 Lawyers to Interpret It for Them

Readin?  We don’t need no muthafuckin readin.

P-D:  Belleville man gets 10 years for trying to blow up his wife

Sounds like the kind of marriage that was already a prison sentence for both of them.

P-D:  El-Amin, brother prepare for weekly radio show on WGNU

I remember when WGNU had a lot of good weekly radio shows.  But Chuck Norman had the audacity to die on us.

Slashdot:  English DJ Claims Wi-Fi Allergy

Lucky for him it’s not a vinyl allergy.

Slashdot:  Are Women Getting More Beautiful?

Yeahbut, the higher number of beautiful women don’t think I’m getting any more handsome.

P-D:  Bill Gates Remembers 1979

The computers of 1979 ran 1979’s Microsoft software just as slowly as the computers of today run today’s Microsoft software.

Drudge:  DON’T GO THERE:  DEMS EYE 10% TAX ON BOTOX, COSMETIC SURGERY

It’s Uncle Sam’s way of recouping Nancy Pelosi’s and John Kerry’s salaries.

AP:  Penn St. takes top party school title in survey

Ask their head football coach, he could give you a good oral history about the evolution of parties in the last century.

AP:  US Vice President Biden hits nerve in Russia

Don’t take it too personally, Russia.  Biden hits everybody’s nerves.

AFP:  China web users ‘outnumber US population’

The difference is that China’s 338 million web users aren’t free.  America’s 305 million people are free, for the most part.

Macworld:  WD ships 1TB mobile hard drive

The number of porn videos you can keep on your laptop has just doubled.

We’re From The Quasi-Government, And We’re Here to Quasi-Help You

P-D:

Bernanke’s PR campaign makes stop in KC

KANSAS CITY — Ben Bernanke, chairman of the Federal Reserve, is on a publicity campaign with a message: The central bank is here to help, and it is not as mysterious or menacing as people might think.

In a profound departure from the central bank’s tradition as an aloof and secretive temple of economic policy, Bernanke has plunged into the public spotlight to an extent that none of his predecessors would have contemplated.

He has given a television interview to “60 Minutes” on CBS, including a tour of his hometown of Dillon, S.C.; has held what amounted to a televised news conference; and has written newspaper commentaries to explain the Fed’s efforts to fight the financial crisis.

On Sunday, Bernanke reached another milestone in his evolution from Fed chairman to Fed showman, participating in a one-hour “town hall” meeting in Kansas City organized and moderated by Jim Lehrer of “The NewsHour” on PBS. It will air this week in three installments on PBS’ “The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer.”

I think all this is in response to the growing number of House members that want the Fed audited, and to Ron Paul handing him his ass several months ago in the House Banking Committee.

A friend of mine back in St. Louis gave me as a present for my 18th birthday, a long long time ago, and getting longer ago by the day, a video of a 1978 debate between a monetary realist and Fed critic Merrill Jenkins, and the then-President of the St. Louis office of the Federal Reserve, whose name escapes me at the moment.  The debate took place on a Betsey Bruce co-hosted weekend morning local gab show in Channel 4, KMOX as it was known back then.  And it was hilarious to watch — every time Jenkins spoke, the St. Louis Fed President tightened his hand grip of the TV studio chair in which he was sitting, and his face got real red, and his mouth and eyes got an insipid look, looking at Jenkins all the while.  When it was his turn to speak, the air went out of him like a punctured balloon.

Methinks some people associated with a certain bank just don’t like criticism.

Fighting Crime

MSNBC:

Drought turning Texas as dry as toast

DALLAS – Off-duty police officers are patrolling streets, looking for people illegally watering their lawns and gardens.DALLAS – Off-duty police officers are patrolling streets, looking for people illegally watering their lawns and gardens.

(snip)

[San Antonio's] not just sitting around, though. A total of 30 off-duty officers and other employees are working overtime to patrol the city looking for people illegally watering. Since April, about 1,500 people have been cited and ordered to pay fines ranging from $50 to over $1,000. Residents also are encouraged to rat out water scofflaws on the 24-hour Water Waste Hot Line.

“We don’t go out in a car with sirens blazing or anything like that, but we do take the report and send out a letter saying ‘You’ve been reported for not following water rules,’” said Anne Hayden, spokeswoman for the San Antonio Water System.

They’ll spend time looking for those who are using too much water, but won’t spend one minute on the reason why there are all of a sudden more and more people in Texas needing water?  Not water, but ICE, ICE, Baby.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32145286/ns/weather

Sunday Headline Wrap-Up

Yahoo Sports:  Beckham fined $1,000 by MLS for gestures to fans

Why shouldn’t be be fined?  He had the audacity to flip the bird to both MLS fans.

ESPN:  Sports leagues sue to block [Delaware sports] betting

They can’t find a league that likes how Joe Biden will bet.

SEMO:  AT&T phone books now optional in Mo. cities

It was nice knowing ya, Zebo Zzzent.

Boston Globe:  NH man charged $23 quadrillion dollars, plus fee

That’s what happens when you buy a roll of toilet paper in Zimbabwe.

P-D:  Obama plays racial referee

Football refs wear zebra stripes, so it’s only appropriate that America’s racial ref also has both stripes.

P-D:  Race is daunting challenge for Obama

It’s going to become all the more daunting when MTV runs its upcoming special “Jeremiah Wright Unplugged.”

P-D:  Gates changes tone, says he is ready to move on

Move On hasn’t moved on, so why should we believe Dr. Gates?

V-Dare:  64 Percent Of California Voters Say Illegal Immigrants Are Major Strain on State Budget–36 Percent Say “No Es Una Problema”

Now we finally know how many illegal aliens there are in California, 0.36 multiplied by 39 million minus the Governator.

MSNBC:  Obama to schools: Change or miss out on cash

I was saying all of last year that I preferred cash to Obama’s change.  Now it looks like someone else is about to agree with me.

Georgia On His Mind…But Not THAT Georgia.

P-D:  Minors pitcher says he didn’t throw to hit anyone

A lot of em can’t hit the catcher, either.

P-D:  Brazen gunman shops, asks for help [with beauty supplies], then robs Great Clips

Gotta be gay.  If he’s not, he’s going to be functionally gay soon.

UK Telegraph:  BBC Trust spent £10,000 on Christmas party

The bigger news:  BBC still believes in Christmas.

Dan Stein:  Bill Gates Visits India To Push for More H-1B Visas

I have no problem with Bill Gates going to India.  I do oppose him coming back.

KSDK:  8 teens suspected of burglarizing grade school

What cowards, guys in high school go and knock back a grade school.

Fox News:  Obama: ‘Victory’ Not Necessarily Goal in Afghanistan

Teaching Afghanis to have high self-esteems is.

WND:  ‘Scofflaw’ Obama has history with ’stupid’ Cambridge police – Condemns action of officer at department that ticketed prez 17 times while a student

We now trust our military and two military campaigns to a man who couldn’t figure out where and how not to park a car in Cambridge, Mass. even after 17 tickets.  Feel comforted?

Time:  Joe Biden Visits Georgia and Ukraine: The Balancing Act

Biden will visit the former Soviet Republic of Georgia more often than the U.S. State of Georgia while he is VP, mark me.

Time:  Why Is Six Flags Using a Creepy Old Guy to Attract Kids?

Because Six Flags doesn’t want to attract kids, it wants to attract adults with the implication of a lack of screaming brats.

The Breakfast of Chumpions

AP:

General Mills works with athletes on new Wheaties

MINNEAPOLIS — Cereal maker General Mills is launching a new version of Wheaties it says is designed for athletes, with input from athletes such as NFL quarterback Peyton Manning and NBA star Kevin Garnett.

The Golden Valley, Minn.-based company says it is testing three types of the new version of Wheaties with athletes and some readers of Men’s Health magazine. It will announce the new product in September.

The company says the new version will not replace the 85-year-old original Wheaties.

General Mills plans to market the cereal as helping athletes with endurance and energy.

Athletes have been jonesing for years to get on the box of regular Wheaties, and all of a sudden it isn’t good enough for ‘em anymore?

Coming soon:  Wheaties, Athletes’ Edition.  Whole wheat grains fortified with anabolic steroids.  Every box has a “Get Out of Federal Grand Jury Testimony” Free card inside.  Personally autographed by Barry Bonds.  “Lawdy Lawdy, Miss Scarlett.  I don’t know nuttin’ about now Victor Conte.”

Emergency, Paging Dr. Beat. Emergency!!!

Riverfront Times:  St. Louis Police Dismantle North City Drug Ring; 15 Members of Gang Indicted

Wow, fifteen.  That’ll show ‘em.

KSDK:  St. Louis police say plan to catch “the worst of the worst” working

If you’re the best of the worst, then you’re cool for awhile.

ESPN:  [Mark] Anthony joins star-studded [Miami Dolphins] ownership

Read the fine print, Mark:  If you’re throwing in with Gloria Estefan, then you’re contractually obligated to karaoke every hit song of the Miami Sound Machine at a South Beach club on a weekly basis.

Richmond Times-Dispatch:  Times-Dispatch editorial expresses regret for Massive Resistance

Richmond Times-Dispatch headline, July 23, 2014:  Times-Dispatch publishes its last issue today, nobody literate reads the Times-Dispatch anymore.

WFOR-CBS-4 Miami:  Key West Commission Wants Referendum On Nude Beach

If anybody goes into vote naked, then you’ll know who they’ll vote.

Reuters:  Obama – ’stars are aligned’ for healthcare reform

Whaddaya know, Nancy Reagan’s astrologer is back in the White House.

Arch City Chronicle:  Women Sports Reporters Can’t Catch A Break

Even though they’re often around young naked guys.

Phyllis Schlafly:  Don’t Force Coed Basketball

You’re going to have a reputation as a coward if you dunk on the girl.

John Lott:  NJ Poll: Christie leads Corzine by 15

Nope, don’t believe it.  Would you believe that anyone is going 15 faster than Jon Corzine?

KYW-CBS-3 Philly:  Camden Boy, 10, Accused Of Armed Robbery

It’s the world’s first skateboardjacking.

Reuters:  Obama: Police acted “stupidly” arresting black scholar

Does the FTC still exist?  Because I can think of at least two lies in that headline.

Reuters:  Naked girls plough fields in India for rain

Why can’t the Swedes be that superstitious?

Location, Location, Location

A conservative bumper sticker kiosk will no longer be operating at a North Carolina mall because:

The author, recent UNC-Charlotte graduate Jennifer Ibanez, wrote:

“Free Market Warrior, a kiosk located adjacent to Bass Pro Shops, specializes in memorabilia embellished with pro-confederacy statements as well as those opposing both the government and President Obama. In addition, these products support ideas such as racisms, sexism, and even slavery.

Next to the Bass Pro?  Hello, lady.  Like, duh.  Pro-Confederacy in North Carolina?  Well gadzooks, I’d a’never thought.

I don’t call it offensive, I call it a good business strategy.

Hammin’ It Up in the White House

AP:  2008 voting rate down as older whites stayed home

That’s what happens when you have no dog in the fight.

Pork Magazine:  Vilsack Clarifies Ham Purchase

This is one brouhaha that Rahm and Axelrod will be nowhere near.

NPI:  Cracking Down On Gangs, Police Arrest 15 Gang Members

Fifteen, wow.  That’ll teach ‘em a lesson.

Not So Ghetto Lottery

Boston Globe:

Harvard professor Gates arrested at Cambridge home

Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr., one of the nation’s pre-eminent African-American scholars, was arrested Thursday afternoon at his home by Cambridge police investigating a possible break-in. The incident raised concerns among some Harvard faculty that Gates was a victim of racial profiling.

So the cops in a suburb of the city that is the capital of a state that has a black Governor hates blacks.  Ooooooooookay…

The charges were dropped today, because this was Dr. Gates’s own house.  The only thing that interests me is how quickly Dr. Gates tried to play the ghetto lottery, in spite of the fact that he’s not in the ghetto.  Accusatons of racial profiling were the first words out of his mouth when the cop accosted him.

Diary of a Mad Black Movie Producer

Tyler Perry sending the Creative Steps 65 to Disney World.  Nice knowing ya, Disney World.

All I want to know is this — where can I go to get a  racial slur screamed at me, so I can get a free vacation?

And That’s So Bad?

St. Louis Beacon:

Will Missouri be without a governor — and lt. governor — at same time?

Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon plans to return to Missouri late Wednesday after being out of the country since Friday. He’s now in Germany, a spokesman just said.

Nixon and a few other governors — including Illinois’ Pat Quinn — have been traveling the Middle East in a super-secret tour in which they’ve visited National Guard troops from their respective states in Iraq, Kuwait and Afghanistan.

This photo, offered up by the military, shows the regional duo in Afghanistan.

And beginning Tuesday, Missouri Lt. Gov. Peter Kinder — who complained to the Beacon a few weeks ago about being ignored by Nixon — will be out of the country himself in a trip to Canada. The lieutenant governor won’t return until Saturday.

Which raises the question: Does that mean state Senate President Pro Tem Charlie Shields, R-St. Joseph, will be in charge today and Wednesday should a state emergency arise? (According to the Missouri Constitution , Shields is No. 3 in line. State House Speaker Ron Richard is No. 4. That’s the reverse of the federal line of succession.)

I’d take my chances with Charlie Shields far more than Nixon or KinderCare.  Talk about a briar patch I don’t want to be thrown in :)

I can’t remember the year, but it was relatively recently.  Both the Governor and Lieutenant Governor of Arkansas were out of the state, and this threw the power of the Governor to someone who was either the head of the State House or the State Senate, can’t remember which.  But he definitely was a black man, and used his day in the sun to commute a whole bunch of death sentences for black convicts down to life.  Following that, the state passed a law prohibiting both the Governor and Lt. Gov. from being out of the state at the same time, such that this kind of trick is never turned again.

Hot Diggety Dog Diggety Boom What’d You Do To Me?

KFVS:  Mo. highway signs to become fluorescent

But when are they going to start using Clearview?

SEMO:  Summer math program in Cape teaches respect and teamwork

Pardon me while I try to find a respect and teamwork program that teaches math.

UK Telegraph:  Swine flu threat greater than terrorism, says Home Secretary

Who says that swine flu isn’t terrorism?  “Swine flu,” rhymes with AQ.

NJ.com:  State unable to combat prison gangs for lack of funding, manpower

Wrong answer.  They’re unwilling to combat prison gangs, because the gangs are diverse.

AP:  81-year-old qualifies for NASCAR West series race

A slot suddenly opened up because someone half his age dropped a couple of positive meth tests.

AP:  Minneapolis struggles with rise of Somali gangs

Minneapolis couldn’t wait to get Somalians just a few years ago.

NRA:  Illinois: Police say Right-to-Carry law would deter criminals

That’s why Illinois will never adopt it.

NYP:  BERNIE IN THUGS’ SIGHTS – PONZI SCHEMER’S FELLOW NC INMATES TALK ABOUT ‘SMACKING HIM AROUND‘

Sorry, guys.  You’re not going to find anywhere close to a billion on him.

KMOX:  Gov. Nixon visits war zone

What;’s he doing in Chicago?  He’s the Governor of Missouri, after all.

KFVS:  Police seek man with fetish for exercise balls

Someone with a ball fetish is going to prison — Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

KSDK:  Wienermobile crashes into Wisconsin home

I doubt Oscar Meyer will be able to settle this one out of court by offering a free lifetime supply of hot dogs.

Not on the Realtors’ Sales Sheet

For a couple of weekends before now, ads taken out on talk radio shows in St. Louis have been advertising something.  And today, the talk radio down here in Southern Illinois has started in on those ads.

The ads tell of the virtues of living in Ruidoso, New Mexico, and leads you to a website where you can buy empty land, new houses and older houses.

Granted, Ruidoso has to be a scenic place to live, and to retire to.  I’ve never been there; my only experience with New Mexico is only on I-40 on the way to and on the way back from Phoenix.  My interest in Phoenix was my late granduncle, who retired there after retiring from a suburban St. Louis fire department.  He actually considered Alamogordo, N.M., not too far from Ruidoso, but picked Arizona beause at the time, New Mexico didn’t have CCW.  NM does now.

But other than that, there’s one big problem with Ruidoso, that would be a deal breaker for me, and should be for most of you:

Too many pink flamingos running around.

Smog: The Latest Bromide…

…to explain away racial differences in IQ.

Take a hint:  The reason “inner city kids” in New York City tend to have lower IQs than “kids in the suburbs” is that New York’s inner city is largely black and Afro-Caribbean Hispanic, not because they inhale more pollution.  The reason the “kids in the suburbs” tend to have higher IQs is because they are white, not because they inhale less pollution.

The good news is that a physician associated with Columbia University Childrens Medical Center admits that a 5 IQ point difference makes a world of difference.  And that IQ matters all of a sudden.  An amazing admission to make from someone associated with Columbia.

Sunday Tie-Up

(1)  Mike Anderson broke the news almost a month ago, and now the Post-Dispatch has caught up.  About 1490 AM in St. Louis changing to “urban” (read: black) sports talk radio, to replace Fox Sports Radio.  Mike Anderson said that Onion Horton would be part of the new lineup, and indeed he is.  The P-D reports that the new WESL’s morning host will focus more on politics than sports.  Guess who the morning host is going to be.

Even without this stipulation, and no matter what time of the day you put him, you know that Onion Horton couldn’t avoid politics.

(2)  Science Daily tells of the results of a study that says that teenage boys will become the wrong crowd if they hang around the wrong crowd and have a lacking family life.  Once we have that duh of the day established, then I think they’ll get around to figuring out what causes the wrong crowd and a lacking family life.

(3)  Any chance at a Republican filibuster of Sonie the Phony is now gone.  Booger, Snowejob and Wal-Martinez will vote for her.

(4)  I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were 17-year old Briton Mike Perham, who is about to best American Zac Sutherland’s record as the youngest person to circumnavigate the Earth solo on a boat.  The reason is that he’s white.  The British authorities will nullify Mr. Perham’s accomplishment, because he’s not diverse enough.

(5)  Jimmy McKinney, who won three faked up state basketball titles at Vashon (even though he actually lived in Vashon’s district), was a big flop at Mizzou, and played professionally for three years in Germany, which is one slight baby step above a 40-something YMCA weekday night league, is now thinking about diamonds.  The Cardinals gave him a tryout last week.

The last time a basketball player tried to switch to baseball, it didn’t work out so well.  Though Michael Jordan was fortunate that he had something to fall back onto.

(6)  The success of the CPS under Arne Duncan, such that the President made him EdSec?  As fake as Vashon basketball championships.

(7)  President Obama:  Those in the top half percent of income earners are just lucky.

I somewhat agree and somewhat disagree with that contention.  If my rank amateur observation is any clue, then I think those who make it that high do it on part luck and part skill.  Some have far more skill than luck, but still some luck nonetheless.  Others have mostly luck and very little skill.  For instance, if you’re Paris Hilton, you’re mostly lucky; the only skill you need is knowing how not to piss off your parents.  If you’re Jeff Bezos, you have a great skill, but lucked out by being born in the time and place that you were — if Bezos were born in medieval Europe, his skill set would have been useless.

Newsflash: A Felon Was Arrested for a Felony

Yahoo Finance:  Healthcare Is “Not a Right” and Obama’s Plan Will Cost Way Beyond $1T, Ron Paul Says

I can understand why this is so newsworthy; an elected politician saying that you have a right to other people’s money is dog bites man, an elected politician saying you don’t have a right to other people’s money is man bites dog.

CNS:  Joe Biden: ‘We Have to Go Spend Money to Keep From Going Bankrupt’

Every heart patient in America is hoping for the same logic when it comes to their diet.

P-D:  Mo. car dealer offers free AK-47 with new truck

It couldn’t be anything but a Ford, because there is good symmetry in getting an AK-47 free with the purchase of an F-150.  (You’re not crazy if you’ve heard this story before.)

KSDK:  Feds arrest felon in McNair killing

I was about to say, if he wasn’t a felon before, he’s going to be pretty soon.

Auburn, Calif. to Ban the Use of Transistors

San Franciso Chronicle:

Group fights park named for William Shockley

A group of Sierra foothill residents is urging local parks officials to reject the donation of 28 acres of open space that would be named after a late Stanford University scientist whom critics have labeled a racist.

Shockley, who died in 1989, helped make the Santa Clara Valley a center of electronics innovation, in part through his co-invention of the transistor. But that work is often overshadowed by his later theories that led him to argue that intelligence is inherited and that blacks are genetically and intellectually inferior to whites.

I wonder where he would get a silly idea like that :)

If we’re going to repudiate Shockley for his racial theories truisms, then Auburn, California should also turn away from the rest of Shockley’s inventions, including the transistor.  After all, what are transistors but a secret eugenics conspiracy to sterilize black men?

Brad Cole Won’t Be the Only Carbondalian Running for Statewide Office in 2010

Remember the Green Party candidate for Governor that got 10% of the vote in 2006?  Even with Rich Whitney taking ten percent of the overall vote, and a high percentage of Illinois’s doctrinaire liberals, Rod Blagojevich still won re-election anyway, being Judy Barr Topinka by 49 to 41.

Rich Whitney wants to run again.  And he’s a Carbondale resident, no less.

If it were any other state, I would say Go Rich Go…and split the Democrat vote.  Except the Illinois Republican Party isn’t worth a warm bucket of spit.  They’re probably going to nominate cap-and-taxer Mark Kirk for Senate.

When You’re Talking About Millions and Billions, $700,000 Is a Good Deal.

Washington Examiner:  Police chief denounces ‘cowardly’ iPhone users monitoring speed traps

Because bravery is defined as letting the DCPD fleece your wallet.

New York Post:  METS OWNER WILPON LOST $700M TO MADOFF

I did the math, and $700 million compared to $65 billion prorates to a year and seven months out of Madoff’s 150 year bid.  Mets fans hope that Madoff serves his “stole from the Mets” time first.

KNXV-ABC-15 Phoenix:  Social Security spends $700,000 on Phoenix conference

If you’re an SSA bureaucrat, and want to study beneficiaries, your two best choices are Phoenix and Florida.

CNS:  Mexico Says ‘No’ to Deal with Cartels

Isn’t this like the nerd picking a fight with the jock?

KSDK:  McGraw-Hill cuts 550 jobs

How many staff members do a country music husband and wife really need?

Stereotype

CNN:

Continental divide separates Africans, African-Americans

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) — Africa is not a country, and Africans generally do not live in trees or hunt game with spears. Nor do they all walk around in the nude among lions and zebras.

African immigrants to the United States say cartoonish caricatures and a Western media penchant for reporting on Africa’s disease, hunger and war — rather than the continent’s successes — trivialize their cultures. They complain they have trouble dispelling the stereotypes once they arrive in the States.

They concede, though, the myths run both ways and some say they were surprised to find their values more often aligned with those of white Americans than African-Americans.

(snip)

Raphael Craig, 17, of Hyattsville, Maryland, said the television misinformed him as well.

Before Craig visited the continent in 2005 and 2006, he thought of Africans as “half-naked, running around with tigers in the jungle,” Craig said, confessing he was unaware tigers roam only Asia.

It’s called transferrance; you see in other people the qualities you have in yourself.  All he did was to transfer what he sees in black Baltimorians in the summer months into black Africans.  If Mr. Craig thought that black Africans had boxer shorts, he might also think they like to sag their pants.

Up For Two Emmys

For best drama, and Hugh Laurie for best actor in a drama.  Already has a 2005 Emmy for writing in the Season 1 episode “Three Stories.”

I Used to Want My MTV, Until It Became DNC TV.

UK Telegraph:  Tories call for American-style local news channels

Oh what fun they’ll have with the same news repeated every half hour all day long.

WSJ:  Universal Health Care Isn’t Worth Our Freedom – What would Thoreau have made of the current debate?

Let’s dig him up from his almost 150-year old grave and ask him.

CNS:  EU Teams With MTV on Climate Change

Don’t quote me on it, but I think there was once a time when MTV showed something called “music videos” instead of political propaganda.

CNS:  Clinton Says State Dept. Human Trafficking Report Will Pass Judgment on U.S. As If America Were Just Another Foreign Country

Most State Department bureaucrats think they’ve crossed into a foreign country once they pass the Appalachians.