SBPDL: #77. The Rooney Rule
I agree with Jewish sports talker Bruce Jacobs — implement the Rooneystein rule to give Jews a chance to coach NFL teams, “because owning them team just isn’t enough anymore.” LOL.
NYP: Conan O’Brien won’t do ‘Tonight Show’ after Leno
I’ve got an idea — Just don’t call it the “Tonight Show.” Call it “Late Night.” That might work.
UK Daily Mail: Under-18s facing sunbed ban ‘in months’ over skin cancer fears
I see how that works. When you turn 18, then you can’t possibly get skin cancer through toasting yourself. I’m glad I’m at least 18.
NYP: Arenas may plea in gun case: report
Since he has trouble behaving in locker rooms, I guess they’ll make him stay out of one as a condition of his probation. His teammates will have to clean him up after the game by doing the Bull Connor and hosing him down outside the arena.
P-D: Man who lost fistfight outside bar is run over, killed
But still, he lost the fight. That isn’t going to go over well with his peepz.
CNS: Do Three People Have a Right to Marry Each Other?
Just get over with it, and let’s automatically marry someone when they turn 18 to every other legal adult in the world. It would eliminate infidelity, at least.
CNS: Homosexual Gun Collector on Trial for Fatal Game of Russian Roulette in Sex Dungeon
This is WAY too much to ridicule in one headline, because I just don’t know where to begin.
Slashdot: Porn Industry Tiptoes Into 3D Video
When I think of porn movies, I think of tiptoes. Though you can probably do something freaky with your tiptoes vis-a-vis the other person’s orifices that an Obama Czar wants to teach first graders about.
CNS: `American Idol’ Starts Strong Without Paula Abdul
It certainly didn’t start out drunk.
P-D: Powerful, deadly quake in Haiti causes ‘total disaster, chaos’
How can you tell?
P-D: Jeanette Mott Oxford returns to children and families committee
I don’t know her personally, but from what I’ve heard, she might not really be that into children or families on a personal level.
P-D: MLK events this week include interfaith service tonight
All who doubt the divinity of Christ are welcome.
UK Telegraph: Cost of cheap alcohol will double to curb binge drinking
They live in Labour Party England. It’s either souzed silly or suicide.
P-D: UPDATE: Transit tax critic Loudon says Metro must run deeper into county
UPDATE: There go those neighborhoods.
AP: Bankers apologize for actions that led to crisis
You’ve been jobless for a year. Monetize those bankers’ apologies and see if you can buy food with it.
AP: Texas debates the way history will be taught
Since this only applies to public schools, we know at the very least it’ll be in Spanish.
Huffington Post: Avatar-Induced Depression: Coping With The Intangibility Of Pandora
Not that hard. Avatar is a movie of fiction. Nuff said.
WSJ: Coakley’s Saviors
I’ll net it out for you: Big Pharma Hearts Martha. Say that ten times in a row really quickly.
