Dennis Kucinich Announces Presidential Campaign

GARFIELD HEIGHTS, Ohio  (FNN)  –  Before any marquee-name Republican has announced his or her campaign for President in 2012 formally, and even before President Obama has officially announced his re-election bid, the 2011-2012 campaign season is already on the verge of a heated primary battle.

Dennis Kucinich, long time Congressman from the Cleveland area, announced today that he is running for President as a member of the Rent is Too Damn High Party.  Kucinich is its second major contender, after Jimmy McMillan, the party’s founder and 2010 nominee for New York Governor, announced his Presidential campaign three days ago.

Shantrella McMillian, Chairwoman of the RITDHNC (Rent is Too Damn High National Committee), is a half-sister to Jimmy McMillan.  While her half brother’s candidacy might seem a natural fit for her, New York City political insiders report that she is conflicted on whether to endorse him or Kucinich.  “Jimmy still owes her five bucks from two weeks ago,” reports Abe Rosensteinberg, a free-lance writer who has spend the last six months embedded in RITDH headquarters.  “And all she’s done since the start of Kwanzaa is the rant and rave about how every black man she’s ever known has tried to con her out of money.  She’s thinking going white is the only way to get right.”

For Kucinich’s part, there is no RITDH party structure in Ohio, and his fellow Democrats in the Cleveland area and in the state don’t seem to want to bolt the Democrats to help him create one.  Just about every elected Democrat in Ohio has already endorsed President Obama’s re-election bid, and the only one who has not, outgoing Lieutenant Governor Lee Fisher, who lost the U.S. Senate election to Rob Portman back in November, released a parody video of his own parody video of the LeBron James “What Should I Do” Nike commercial.  Fisher is currently uncommitted, and his Chief-of-Staff, before departing the Office of the Staff of the Lieutenant Governor to become an assistant manager at a Wendy’s in suburban Columbus, tells Fake News Network that there are even money odds that he could endorse Kucinich’s RITDH Party bid as well as President Obama’s Democrat Party re-election campaign.

While there is expected to be a primary or caucus for the RITDH Party in all fifty states, the District of Columbia and several American territories, Larry Sabato, Professor of Political Science at the University of Virginia, only expects there to be contentious campaigns and significant voter turnout for the Rent is Too Damn High Party in areas where rents are high.  “Look, go to Flint, Michigan, or the Mississippi Delta, or places like that, and rents there aren’t actually too damned high.  So turnout for a party whose name complains about rent being too damned high is going to be too damned low,” Sabato told FNN.

The 2012 Rent is Too Damn High National Convention is scheduled to be held July 19-21 of that year inside the visiting team’s locker room inside Madison Square Garden in Manhattan.