Fun With Sunday Headlines

14 08 2011

Daily Mail:  Playboy Playmate jailed after trying to board plane with loaded .45 Colt revolver

That can only mean that some masochistic man was deprived of a night’s worth of fun.

NYP:  ‘CSI’ 9/11 tribute

The doers?  Skinhead white supremacists.  “Ripped from the headlines,” don’t ya know.

FNC:  10 years later, NY responders communicate better

Oh good.  That means the next time our diversity turns on us for the sake of Allah, the cops and firefighters who are about to die can get their last dying words in louder and clearer.

WND:  Cell-phone company urges: ‘Defeat right-wing radicalism’

In order to defeat something, it has to exist to begin with.

UK Telegraph:  Spying: Real spooks don’t make drama out of a crisis

Seems to me like they do — I guess they’ve never been to North St. Louis.

UK Telegraph:  Children being taught how to climb trees

White boys doing something physical and risky?  Sounds like a case for the anti-hate police.

5:  Study: Moms are dressing like their daughters

Daughters dressing like their mothers is an indication of a strengthening society, the opposite is an indication of a society in decline.

UK Telegraph:  David Bernstein: ‘Spurs game postponement is sad but inevitable’

How to stop a riot in England:  Threaten to cancel a soccer game for it.

Daily Mail:  ‘We want to help people, not hurt them': Hacker group insist claims it wants to destroy Facebook are all a big mistake

Yeah, especially since they found out that Zuck is a fellow traveller.

Urban Review St. Louis:  Post Offices Named After Two Prominent St. Louis African Americans on Closure List

I find this kinda apropos and kinda ironic.

5:  Mayor seeks to curtail problems, institutes alcohol sale curfew

Sure, that’ll do the trick.

FNC:  What are the Health Benefits of Beer?

For my sake, many, I hope.

Atlantic Wire:  It’s a Pattern: London Rioters Are Leaving Bookstores Untouched

There’s proof that most of the rioters are black.

P-D:  Police say naked gunman flees from Illinois into Missouri

I wonder what it’s like being completely naked and crossing a state line.  I’ll have to try it some time.

Politico:  Vanilla Ice ‘impressed’ by Herman Cain

Duh, no brain under all that hair.

Daily Mail:  Barack Obama’s father: Bigamist, drunk and wife-beater

Not good news when you include both bigamy and wife-beating in the same headline.

Vision to America:  FBI Wants Businesses Watching for Customers Paying with Cash

That’s good advice, because if someone tries to give you worthless paper to buy your valuable inventory, then they’re stealing.

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