Fun With Saturday Headlines

11 02 2012

My Fox LA:  Student Finds Lost Malcolm X Speech

It should have stayed lost.

Smoking Gun:  Iowa Police Seek Public’s Help In Armed Robbery Of $250 “Mega Masturbator”

They spelled “Pubic” wrong.

WJZ-CBS-13 Baltimore:  Maryland Mall Evacuated & Locked Down After Sneaker Fight

Did you know?  Not rioting when you can’t get the shoes you want is a form of racism.

KCAL-CBS-2 L.A.:  LAPD Pioneers High-Tech Crime-Fighting ‘War Room’

Yes, those cameras will be able to tell a football and frisbee from a volleyball and beach ball.

Fox News:  Tribe suing beer companies for alcohol problems

Oh, they don’t mean “that” tribe.  I was confused there for a minute.

LAT:  McDonald’s hamburgers lure naked man off downtown tower

Only to be upset when he found out that, at least for a little while, McDs still has the NSNSNS thing going.  But with McDs going 365Ghetto, NSNSNS will soon be racist and racial profiling.

Reuters:  NYC agrees ex-Marine is a man, ending 5-year battle

Seriously.  Five years to figure out what most people can discern in five seconds?

Missouri News Horizon:  St. Joseph students lobby to make the jumping jack Missouri’s state exercise

Uh, hello?  Jumping jacks are warm-ups, not exercises.

5:  NBC Reality Show ‘The One’ holds casting call in St. Louis

John and Cindy McCain’s A-B beer distributorship will sponsor an alternate reality show called ‘That One,’ with a casting call to be held in the subprime warehouse district of Phoenix.

Weekly Standard:  German Bank Offers ‘Islam-Compliant’ Investment

Shari’ah-compliant interest free loans to finance the construction, assembly and engineering of suicide bombs.

WNDU-NBC-16 South Bend, Ind.:  Burglar vacuumed home, folded laundry and cooked dinner

Burglar my apartment, please!

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