Your Daily Dose of KKKraziness

Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Patrick Ewing claims a supposed Klan rally near the hotel he was put up in when North Carolina was recruiting him made him decide against ever being a Tar Heel. Which gives the yahoos at Yahoo a chance to go orgasmic over the new installment of KKKrazy Glue.

So he wound up going to Georgetown, whose basketball team was at at the time coached by that great egalitarian exemplar of universal humanity, John Thompson Jr, and later had a son who turned out to be the same kind of anti-racist.

Michael Jordan was in the same class as Patrick Ewing, and actually did go to North Carolina.  I guess all the Klan rallies in the state didn’t affect him.

$75,000 Poorer

Indianapolis

He was “punished.”  Which goes to show you who is higher than whom on the PC totem pole these days.

This is all that the high testosterone middle aged male subset of the low information undertow could talk about today.

He should have said the n-word instead of homo.  Because…we all know they can use that word with each other but we can’t call them that, as they “own” that word.

R.I.P.

I mentioned him one other time before in this medium.

Top of the Mountain

MLB

It’s Mother’s Day, and I’m looking at the overall MLB standings.

And guess who’s at the top of the heap.

The Cubs?  Well, page down, page down, page down, page down, page down…oh, there they are.

Tee hee.

Mr. Universe is hitting .239 and is on pace for 23/90.  Just remember, Angel fan, each year he makes more than the previous.

Cutting a Pink Slip Off At the Pass

Minneapolis

CBS:

Minnesota governor weighs in on Chris Kluwe’s release

With the Vikings cutting punter Chris Kluwe earlier this week, we’ve debated how much of his dismissal had to do with his punting ability vs. his outspokenness on a number of issues that might have alienated some of his coaches.

Now, Mark Dayton, the governor of Minnesota, is making his voice heard.

“I don’t feel good about it,” Dayton, a Democrat, said. “I mean I’m not in position to evaluate the role and their punting abilities. But it seems to me the general manager said right after the draft that they were going to have competition. Well, then he brings the one guy [fifth-round pick Jeff Locke] in, he kicks for a weekend and that’s the competition? I mean, I just think sports officials ought to be honest about what the heck is going on. Same way I think public officials should be honest about what’s going on. So that bothers me probably as much if not more than the actual decision.”

Here we go. Every big time pro athlete who senses that he’s about to be cut or have something done to him that he won’t like will either come out as “gay” or start mouthing off about gay rights, just to create a handy excuse/rationalization/lawsuit fodder.

Not Him

Jacksonville, Florida

America’s most influential athlete.

Unless he’s not.

Annoy the media, buy a Tim Tebow jersey.

Year Two, Month One

Anaheim, California

Mr. Universe’s sheet for the just-completed first month of his second season:  .252/4/17.  The power numbers project to 24/102 for a whole season, and that’s okay.  But the average is pedestrian.

But just remember, Mr. Universe has an escalating contract.  Last year he got $12m, this year he gets $16m.  For the rest of the years of his contract, it will be twenty plus the ordinal year of the contract, meaning next year, his third year in his ten-year contract, it will be $23 million.  Then a million more per year each subsequent year.

That means once his pay scale goes up from 16 this year to 23 next, and his numbers inevitably go down even more, the bitching from Orange County will increase exponentially.

They Won

Chicago

Yep, good ole “racism” again.

As you can see in the video, Brooks lost both ends of a doubleheader that was scheduled after the game it won for the forfeit.  You’d think they’d be happy for the win, because this doesn’t seem like the kind of squad that wins that often.

Great Schools on both the forfeiter and forfeitee.  Even though the former is verily diverse and the latter is mostly black and the rest Hispanic, both schools get a perfect 10 from Great Schools’s own rating criteria.  This must mean this article is right when it states that both schools have selective admissions standards.

 

LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH Gets Its Pound of Flesh

Boston Washington, D.C.

More like its 255 pounds of flesh.  And it goes by the very pedestrian and forgettable name “Jason Collins.”  Except organized LGBTQMIALOLPLPLTH will never let us forget that name, for all history.

I said many times before now in this space and elsewhere that the thing precluding the first current major sports league professional athlete who is LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH from coming out wasn’t fear of his teammates, but fear of the media, that once whoever the first one was to come out did that, he could forget about ever being asked about his job ever again, and instead the media would dwell on sex and sexuality.  Well, my theory is a bit off kilter here, because I doubt anyone was ever standing around Jason Collins’s locker to ask him about his job.

He’s a 34-year old seven foot even tall journeyman center.  How much do you want to bet that he came out mainly to extend his career a few years?  Can’t cut or trade him now — Oh no, you just can’t do that to The First, the New Jackie Robinson.  Especially in an LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH hotbed (no pun intended) like Boston.  Cutting him now would be *-phobic.

As far as I can tell, Jason Collins’s only real link to St. Louis is that he was a freshman at Stanford the season they made the Final Four (1997-98), and Stanford made the Final Four after winning the Midwest regional bracket in St. Louis.  Who knows?  Maybe while he was here, he hit The Grove.

UPDATE

Oops on my part:  His most recent team was the Washington Wizards, and now he’s a free agent.  But that provides another motive for his coming out now:  Being able to wield the *-phobia accusation at any team or maybe the whole league if someone doesn’t sign him.

Million? Feh.

Hilton Head Island, South Carolina

Continuing on a theme I started last week at this time, have a gander at this:

This is how this weekend’s PGA stop finished.  Now, for as long as I can remember, Hilton Head Island, S.C. has hosted the PGA tour stop immediately after The Masters, though it has had various names over the years.  But most big name golfers skip it for various reasons — They want the rest, they want to be able to take care of side business like endorsement deal obligations, or what not.  So this tournament is basically a “throwaway” tournament; the only kind of tour pros who play it are the middle to lower rung who need the work and need the money and need to stay high enough on the money list to avoid Q-school.

Yet, as you can see, even this tournament now has a first place prize over a megabuck.

Yeah. Shocked. Really.

Houston

This year’s first overall draft pick for a sports league whose players are overwhelmingly lesbian and whose fans are overwhelmingly lesbian has just come out as a lesbian.

Really.

Maybe this will make Mark Cuban want to draft her (?) even more.

Double Double

Oakland, California

Native St. Louisan David Lee had the most double doubles of all NBA players in the just-completed 2012-13 NBA regular season, with 56.  And of course one of those double doubles was also a triple double.

Incidentally, the man in the background, Stephen Curry, set the regular season NBA record for three-pointers made (270).

Still, the Golden State Warriors are not considered to be a championship contender, and it’s not as if ESPN/ABC wants to air those ugly uniforms for long anyway.

UPDATE 4/21

Wouldn’t you know it.

Money Master

Augusta, Georgia

When Tiger Woods won his first Masters in 1997, aside from a green jacket and a whole bunch of Masters records, he also hauled in $400,000.  Today, his fourth place finish at the Masters gets him almost that much.

In that same 1997 golf season, Woods’s first full season as a pro, he won the year’s money list with some $2.1 million.  In the 2012 golf season, $2.1 million of winnings would put you in only 38th place.

UPDATE 4/15

Adam Scott now has $2.1 million in winnings for the 2013 PGA season so far, including the Masters.  And he’s only in 4th place on the money list.

The Low Information Undertow Is a Two-Way River

ESPN

You think the low information undertow only consists of women who watch Wendy Williams?

Well, what she is to low information women, ESPN is to low information men.

To wit.

I could probably come up with one item per week of the Obama Presidency that is doubly more embarrassing than missing free throws and stuff that actually matters.

And besides, why is going 2-for-22 from free throw distance considered “embarrassing?”  Has ESPN ever heard of Shaq and Dwight Howard?  Hell, Shaq just had his Lakers jersey number retired, and he’s going to the Basketball Hall of Fame.

The Dork in Orlando With a Fax Machine Has Good News

Orlando

But all might not be as well as it seems.

P-D:

Graduation rates improve for NCAA tournament teams

Overall graduation rates improved among players at schools in this year’s men’s NCAA basketball tournament, and African-American players in particular did better, according to a study released Monday.

The annual report by the University of Central Florida’s Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport (TIDES) shows African-American players’ graduation success rate increased from 59 percent in 2012 to 65 percent this year, while white players’ rates increased from 88 percent to 90 percent.

The overall graduation rates for programs in the tournament increased from 67 percent in 2012 to 70 percent.

(snip)

Richard Lapchick, the study’s primary author, said the majority of the report contains good news.

(snip)

Lapchick said there were two major factors in the study’s improving numbers: the NCAA’s tightening academic rules and the recent involvement of U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan.

There’s a contradiction here.  If you genuinely tighten the rules, you leave out more blacks.  This means that if graduation rates for black basketball players is really getting better, the the standards have been weakened.

Same As Ever

Corvallis, Oregon

I’m looking at this thing they call a “bracket.”  And once again, Oregon State isn’t in it.

But don’t look for their head coach to get the heave ho…oh no.  We didn’t have the courage to tell his brother-in-law to shove off in November in spite of a similarly bad track record.

As for teams that made it, this year’s Billikens, (“What’s a Billiken?“) probably the best since the “Easy” Ed Macauley era, has a #4 seed.  But…they’re in the same region as number one overall Louisville, and if both win their first two games, they would meet in the round of 16.  Humorously, Mizzou was also plopped in that region, and they would play Louisville in the second round if both win their opening round games.  But, assuming Mizzou can win their first game then upset Louisville, (and they won’t beat Louisville), and the Bills win their first two games, then you’ll have “Saint Louis vs Missouri” in the Round of 16.

This year’s Billikens has an Australian and a New Zealander on the roster, but strangely, no St. Louisans.  But at least this makes them fully compliant with ANZUS.

I have Indiana winning it all, which will square the circle that started with the Harbaugh Bowl last month.  (Indiana’s head coach, Tom Crean, is married to a Harbaugh sister).  I obviously don’t have the Billikens advancing past Louisville in my bracket, but wouldn’t it be a gas if the final game was Indiana vs Saint Louis — The “Hoosiers” versus the city where “hoosier” means something entirely different.  We’d get to settle that quandary once and for all.

And also…expect a report from the dork in Orlando with a fax machine some time this week.  You know how it will go:  “Racial disparities in graduation rates of the 68 tournament teams…yadda yadda…”

Green Eggs and Ham He Won’t Be A’Eatin’

Philadelphia

ESPN:

Report: Michael Vick book tour halted

PHILADELPHIA — Michael Vick’s book-signing tour has been canceled because of threats against him for running a dogfighting ring.

The Philadelphia Eagles’ quarterback was scheduled to sign copies of his autobiography “Finally Free,” at Barnes & Noble stores in Atlanta, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. The March 26 appearance set for Exton, Pa., was listed as canceled on the company’s website.

A person with knowledge of the situation, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the situation, told The Associated Press the signings were scrapped because of threats against Vick and store employees. Vick served 18 months in federal prison for his role in running the dogfighting ring. According to court papers in the cases of Vick and his codefendants, Vick bankrolled the operation and joined others in killing dogs that didn’t perform well.

Byron Williamson, president of Worthy Publishing, tells Phillymag.com that “we cannot knowingly put anyone in harm’s way, and therefore we must announce the cancellation of Mr. Vick’s book-signing appearances.” Williamson says the threats of violence have been reported to the police.

This story is fishier than Mike Trout’s new contract.  (Rimshot)

Who would want to issue threats against Michael Vick and the bookstores that were scheduled to host his book tour?  The kind of people who are upset that Michael Vick was the impresario of a dog fighting ring don’t strike me as these kind of goons.

I think there are two better theories on why this tour was canceled:  One, the publisher (Worthy Publishing, a Christian house based in Nashville) is worried about low/no turnout.  Two, the publisher and/or the venues are worried that Michael Vick’s presence at these bookstores would result in mahogany mobs.

Or, maybe what they’re really worried about is that people are buying the book thinking they’re getting real book length material.  But when they really got a picture book written on a first grade reading level (author:  Michael Vick), they’ll storm the Vick appearances demanding rebates and complaining that they’ll never get the three minutes it took them to read his book back.

Also:

Since his release from prison in 2009, Vick has worked with The Humane Society of the United States to speak out against animal cruelty. He had made appearances at schools and spoken to students about the dangers of being involved in dogfighting.

This is not a well known fact.  But I know for a fact that the Philadelphia Eagles pretty much bribed (paid off) the HSUS to drop any opposition it might have had to Vick signing with the Eagles after he got out of prison and also to drop their opposition to Vick wanting to own dogs.  I’m sure this Vick/HSUS PR campaign is largely and silently funded by the Eagles.

Empire Strikes Back

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Remember this?

Administrators at Harvard are upset.  Not that this cheating scandal happened, but at the fact that someone told the media.

I guess even Harvard is so thrown in with race-based affirmative action and a winning “bassetball” team that it wants to burn the whistleblower at the stake.  Is this Cambridge, Massachusetts, or Salem, Massachusetts?

Speaking of, in spite of their personnel losses relating to this cheating scandal, Harvard won the Ivy League again and is headed back to the tournament.  However, just making a quick glance at this picture, I doubt it happened entirely above board this season, either.

And When Our Bankroll Was Getting Small

Your Blogmeister’s Desk

What is with the news and sports media all weekend?  It’s been nothing but gay gay gay gay gay gay gay in relation to professional sports.  It’s as if they’re getting anxious and impatient and just want some man currently engaged in a major league professional sport to get it over already and come out.

I surmise that the professional LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH organizations are running low on money.  That’s because all this mania I just described above is mainly designed to help them raise money.  You can bet that the whole gang of ‘em, ranging from GLAAD to the SPLC to whatever and whomever you can think of, already have the fundraising letters written, waiting to insert the names and dates, that will go out almost the instant that such a man comes out.  Those letters will say that fill in the blank is being persecuted/bullied/harassed for his lifestyle choice and his orientation, and that you better write a check to help the alphabet group in question combat all that *-phobia.

I am all but sure that there is at least one man currently playing in a well known major professional sports league in America who is LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH, or at least the “G” part.  I think the real reason he won’t come out isn’t because he’s afraid of of his teammates, or afraid of locker room and shower room politics, but he’s afraid of the media.  Whoever he is, if he comes out, especially now, he’ll have 10 times as many people huddled around his locker after every game and practice than he has now, but none of them will ever want to talk about his job any more, all they’ll want to talk about is sex.  Plain words, the first one will only come out if he actually wants to be a “civil rights” icon, because the media and history itself won’t let him be anything but.

I also suspect that this hoopla is far more important to the media rather than men who are big time pro athletes, because there are a lot of LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTHers in the media.

GOTV

Charlottesville, Virginia

Coach K getting tired of fans storming the court when Duke loses on the road.

There seems to be a lot more of this court storming this college basketball season compared to recent years.  One practical explanation is that there a lot more upsets this season relative to recent seasons.  But I think there’s something else at work:

We live in a culture where everyone wants to be an instant celebrity.  That’s why a lot of people post every mundane detail of their insignificant lives on social networking sites.  This is why there’s a lot more shock value nut talk in the realm of public affairs discussion than there used to be.  This is why one nutbar after another after another goes off on shooting sprees, because turning one into an instant infamous celebrity only serves to beg the next one — We now know that the Nutmeg Nutbar wanted to outkill and outshock the Nutbar of Norway.

This could also explain why there’s a lot of court storming these days, because the stormers just want to be on TV.

Wanna Bet?

Alabama

All I needed to read is the headline and the first paragraph.  When I first read this story, ESPN did not include a video.  However, I’m not watching it now that I’m getting around to doing this post, because I don’t need to see it.

Just from the headline and the first paragraph, (and I read nothing beyond that), I surmise that young Mr. Moses:

1.  Is black

2.  Is significantly taller and heavier than the typical eighth grader, either muscularly if he plays offensive back, wide receiver, defensive secondary, tight end or linebacker or “husky” if he’s a lineman

3.  50/50 that he’s a year older than his classmates, either as a result of parental redshirting or flunking a grade

Which is why you have to take these Rivals and Scout recruiting outfits with a grain of salt.  The reason is that they start zeroing in on recruits in late middle school or early high school, and at those ages in the universe of the young men who play competitive team sports, blacks are more physically developed than whites.

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Don’t Succeed Again

Daytona Beach, Florida

Just as mid-December is the time of year for the media to bitch about racial disparities in graduation rates in college football programs chosen as BCS teams and in D-I college football in general, and mid-March ditto for NCAA basketball championship tournament teams and D-I men’s college basketball in general, late February is now starting to see an annual media bitch fest about the “lack of diversity” in NASCAR, timed to the Daytona 500.  And it’s not for a lack of trying on the part of NASCAR executives.

Because Daytona Beach is close to Orlando, I’m surprised the dork in Orlando with a fax machine isn’t already aboard this bitching train.

Method To Her Madness

Miami

Yeah, this story is plenty zany alright.  Suspiciously zany.  Newt Gingrich moon colony zany.  Read this and this, then come back.

He did eventually legally sign with Arkansas, as the coach faxed replacement papers to his father and he signed those.

The mother is being suspiciously fanatical, and now she’s hiring the Cochran law firm.  I get the feeling that this involves more than her wanting her son to stay close to home.  She wants him to go to the University of Miami, and the next time that school does anything above board when it comes to athletic recruiting will be the first time it ever does.  I bet some coach on the team promised her some under-the-table payoff if she could get him to go to Miami.

Fleeting Hate

America

Forbes mag has Lance Armstrong and Manti Te’o as co-#1s as the most hated athletes in America.

Last year, Kris Humphries was the most hated on their list.

Which means you have to take these “most liked/most hated” stories with a grain of salt, because it’s basically a snapshot barometer of what’s on the “minds” of people in the low information crowd at that moment.  Most big time sports fans don’t and never have cared way too much about Lance Armstrong, Manti Te’o or Kris Humphries, the latter isn’t even a starter on his team.  It’s just because of the KarTRASHian show, The Oprah and other low information gossip outlets, these non-entity athletes hit the low information undertow and circulate under our noses.

It’s why Marco Rubi-NO and Krispy Christie and eventually others (yes, John Thune, I’m looking at you almost as much as you’re looking at yourself) are in a race to the bottom to appeal to the low information crowd.  Because we no longer have a President, we have a celebrity that gets to live in the White House and carry around the nuclear football.

Irony

Baltimore

Stabbing along the parade route.

Because…a raven is a large black crow-like bird that goes “bawk” and steals shit and hides shit and shits.

Loose Women

New Orleans

Of course not.  The Super Bowl is how the NFL pays back its generous corporate sponsors, and New Orleans will always host Super Bowls no matter how crummy the stadium is and no matter how many times the lights go out.

Because…party time, and loose women that put out in the French Quarter.  It’s how some Vice-President/schmuck with a corporation that sponsors the NFL big time gets some on the side with his wife back at home none the wiser.

Meanwhile, Dallas gets an ice storm it could never anticipate, people are slip slidin’ away, and those are supposedly grounds never to hold the SB in Dallas ever again.

It’s also why Miami and Phoenix will always host Super Bowls, no matter what kind of controversies erupt, especially over the latter’s state’s politics.  Because…Miami has South Beach ergo loose women, and Phoenix has golf.  Both things corporate types like to do…screw one or two or three holes or play 18 of them.

Tu-Some

Los Angeles

Alleged Manti Te’o hoaxster Ronaiah Tuiasosopo’s tu-part (pun intended) interview with Oprah protege Dr. Phil will air Thursday and Friday.  This means that through the weekend and into the early part of next week, everyone will be interviewing everyone else about that interview.

First off, I don’t believe that what’s-his-tu-face is the hoaxster, because I don’t believe there was a hoax.  I think Te’o invented the girlfriend all along to cover up his gayness.  But even if there was a hoax, and tu-tone here did it, I can supply the answer to a burning question on everyone’s mind.  How can a man pretend to be a woman for so long at least in voice terms?  Couldn’t someone easily pick up on a man play acting his voice into a woman’s in short order?

Answer:  There are devices out there, and I have seen them, which allow you either to masculinize or feminize your own voice over the phone.  All you have to do is attach it to the talk end of your phone, and set the setting on how manly or womanly you want your voice to sound.  The catch is, I’ve only ever seen them for regular land line phones, never for cell phones.

However, there’s a bigger threat riding over the horizon in low information city.  Just as the Manti Te’o scandal drove Lance Armstrong off the front covers even before The Oprah’s interview of Armstrong aired on her no-ratings cable network, we have another scandal hitting as we speak that’s going to take people’s minds off of Te’o — More steroid scandals in sports.  Amazingly, a man who was accused of being a knife murderer twice over is the same man who would use banned substances to recover quickly enough from a triceps injury so he can play in the postseason to be an “inspiration” to his team enough so that his team gets into the Super Bowl and maybe wins it one last time before he hangs up the cleats.  (Shocking, right?)  The same scandal threatens A-Roid once again, and this time, he can’t use this “I was only a wee lad of 28, you must forgive my youthful impetulance” excuse, or the excuse of “my rotten cousin shot this juice up my ass with a syringe when I was sleeping and I didn’t know what was in it.”

Te’o's Razor

South Bend, Indiana

Which scenario seems more plausible to you?

A)  Someone concocts, starts, carries out and concludes a convoluted multi-year long hoax against a college football player who wasn’t even really relevant in the college football universe until this past season

Or

B)  The college football player in question made up the girlfriend all along to cover up his own LGBTQMIAPDLOLPLPLTH

Don’t worry.  Lie upon lie will eventually be unpeeled, and the truth will come out, (no pun intended).  But all the acronym groups (GLAAD, SPLC, etc.) have already pre-written the excuses that he “had to do this,” because it’s our fault for our own “homophobia.”

Here are a few other hints:  After the scandal broke, Manti Te’o's first interview (text only) was to the androgynous Jeremy Schaap of ESPN, and his first TV interview was not to a  male sports reporter, but to Katie Couric, and The Oprah could have easily had it.

A Stab Is Worse Than A Prick

Boston and Baltimore

Because I’m speaking to an audience of mature adult goofballs, I have taken the liberty to uncensor what the original source censored.

CBS Connecticut:

Suggs Goes On Expletive-Laden Tirade Against Pats Following Ravens Win

A fired-up Terrell Suggs ripped the New England Patriots following the Baltimore Ravens 28-13 AFC Championship win.

According to Yahoo! Sports’ Dan Wetzel, the Ravens linebacker had a few expletive-laden words directed at Bill Belichick and company.

“Tell them to have fun at the Pro Bowl. Arrogant fuckers,” Suggs said in the locker room.

He then suggested the Patriots’ arrogance has hurt the organization.

“These are the most arrogant pricks in the world, starting with Belichick on down,” Suggs exclaimed.

Irony:  Suggs, ever so worried about pricks, has a locker that is very close to that of a knife murderer’s. (*)

(*) – Disclaimer:  Not referring to anyone in particular.

Phil’s Got It All, Except…

San Diego

My favorite golfer is a bit lacking in the common sense department.

You may think you can move out of California, but California isn’t going to move out of you.