Amusing? Yes. Important or relevant? No. Someone will be President after noon on January 20, 2017. And it’s not going to be Darth Vader.
Amusing? Yes. Important or relevant? No. Someone will be President after noon on January 20, 2017. And it’s not going to be Darth Vader.
Wait’ll all the alphabet lobbies get a load of this:
Oh, yes, such good people. But, folks, why was no conservative name mentioned? Why was no Republican name mentioned? Why was there no bashing of any conservative or Republican? Anybody in there on the other side of the glass want to take a stab at answering the question? Nobody wants to take a stab. See, they know that I have the answer. Oh, no, there’s all kinds of targets. They just didn’t see it necessary to hit anybody. The reason no Republican or conservative was bashed is ’cause they didn’t think it was necessary. Why isn’t it necessary? ‘Cause they think they’re winning everything. They’re happy.
I think it’s even simpler than that.
Giving 12 Years a Skin Game the Oscar for the “best” picture was their poke in our eye.
Or, to put it more accurately, it was AMPAS opening a fresh new tube of KKKrazy Glue. Midterms are coming up, time to try to goose black turnout.
NotSam sent me this e-mail about Amos & Andy:
Why The Amos ‘n’ Andy TV Show Should Be Taken Off The Air
August 15, 1951
1. It tends to strengthen the conclusion among uninformed and prejudiced people that Negroes are inferior, lazy, dumb and dishonest.
2. Every character in this one and only TV show with an all Negro cast is either a clown or a crook.
3. Negro doctors are shown as quacks and thieves.
4. Negro lawyers are shown as slippery cowards, ignorant of their profession and without ethics.
5. Negro Women are shown as cackling, screaming shrews, in big mouthed close-ups, using street slang, just short of vulgarity
6. All Negroes are shown as dodging work of any kind.
7. Millions of white Americans see this Amos ‘n’ Andy picture of Negroes and think the entire race is the same.
The truth is, Amos ‘N Andy was no more demeaning to African Americans than The Beverly Hillbillies was demeaning to southern whites. Perhaps, we will collectively learn to lighten up, not get so bent out of shape, and learn to laugh at ourselves a little more. So lets sit back, relax, and read more about Amos and Andy!
Where would anyone have gotten crazy ideas like these? Maybe they paid attention.
We were allowed to notice things in 1951, but not today.
One of these advice columns where I can stop after I finish reading the title:
Sure thing. This is a talk that needs to be going on at every supper table tonight. Parents need to make it clear to their kids that they shouldn’t drag race their Lamborghinis drunk in the middle of the night.
Or it could go like this: If by rare chance you’re able to parlay all the videos you upload of yourself singing and playing the guitar to YouTube into a musical career that makes you nine figures rich, please don’t embarrass us by turning into a total brat, so that the media doesn’t dig into our own parental failings and our only being teenagers when he had you.
But it should definitely go like this: The day you befriend groids with stage names that start with “Lil” is the day you’re no longer our kid.
Don’t worry about the new Weinstein movie starring Meryl Streep about the NRA.
It’ll have so little interest from theaters that TWC will have no choice but to do straight to DVD, and a year after that happens, you’ll find it at the dollar store.
And also…she wasn’t a very convincing Margaret Thatcher.
Duck Dynasty ratings relative to the average broken down by DMA. Red is above average, the redder, the higher, blue is below average, the bluer the lower. White is closely matching the national average. Apropos choice of colors here, because it mostly lines up with red and blue America.
DD is doing very well in the national ratings, in spite of the fact that it’s not being watched in high population blue state corridors. I bet that in any area shaded any shade of red, DD is the most watched show on TV period, not just cable.
Regionally, DD has ratings hotspots in central Illinois, northeast Missouri and northwest Missouri.
I’m not really a big fan. I have nothing against it, and I wouldn’t feel bad at all if I had to watch it. But I just can’t get into it. That and I have better things to do with my time.
Why? More ratings from the low information undertow, and cheaper to produce. This might be what it will finally take for CNN to re-take the ratings lead over FNC.
You cannot be my friend and use that word around me. It shows my age, but I feel strongly about it. … I always think of the millions of people who heard that as their last word as they were hanging from a tree.
I’ll give you a hint: The woman who said this is a billionaire.
You know how these things go, once the “millions died” meme gets going, it eventually becomes unquestionable to the point of criminal statutes in some countries.
I thought it and made-for-TV movies were dead, too, because hiring non-WGA writers to write one crummy unwatchable “reality” “show” after another was light on the nets’ bottom lines.
The only thing that will ineviably be missing from this HRC miniseries on NBC? The “I’m Hillary Clinton, and I approved this message” disclaimer at the end.
And also…this won’t make CNN happy.
‘American Idol’ Sued by 10 Black Contestants Alleging Racial Smear Campaign
A group of 10 black former “American Idol” contestants have sued the Fox show, claiming that producers dug up their arrest histories to get them thrown off because of their race, according to TMZ.
The contestants say they were unfairly painted as criminals and sexual deviants – despite that none was ever charged with a crime for which they were arrested, according to the report. What’s more – they say only blacks were targeted with the smear campaign.
Plaintiffs are Jaered Andrews (Season 2); Terrel and Derrell Brittenum (Season 5); Corey Clark (Season 2); Thomas Daniels (Season 6); Chris Golightly (Season 9); Ju’Not Joyner (Season 8); Jacob John Smalley (Season 2); Akron Watson (Season 6) and Donnie Williams (Season 3).
Fox and “Idol” producers FremantleMedia had no comment on the lawsuit when contacted by TheWrap.
Each is suing for $25 million, and the group wants “American Idol” to implement a system to stop the behavior, TMZ reported.
And of course you knew I’d dig up a picture of a man named “Ju’Not.” What, no “D’Can’t?”
Idol could countersue these ten for noise pollution.
The amazing thing is that Idol probably does better background checks than the Secret Service.
First Latino Rumored To Be Cast As The Next ‘Bachelor’
The next season of “The Bachelor” may finally be adding some Latin flavor.
Sources are saying Venezuelan retired professional soccer player Juan Pablo Galavis has been offered the gig as the Bachelor for season 18.
“Not only do women seem to love him, casting him will help soothe accusations the series doesn’t include enough minorities,” the source added.
“Minorities.” Like the poor disadvantaged brown Indo-Mezo you see above.
Because…trying to lull low information white women into supporting amnesty and open borders.
And also…thank you Richard Nixon for creating this fake racial category.
* Both were accountants
* Both had upper middle class incomes and salaries which allowed their wives to be stay-at-home moms
* Both had two children
* Both lavished their kids with expensive real or intangible gifts to plaster over bad situations
* Both TV dads’ older children worked at diners and drove convertibles at some point during the series run
* Both of their older children, both sons, never really had steady girlfriends
* Both never really cared for their kids’ one questionable two-faced unctuous friend
* In real life, both directed several episodes of their respective series in which they were TV dads
* Shannon Doherty had a role in one episode of The New Leave It to Beaver
The Brookings Institution released a ludicrously biased poll that pretended mass deportation was the alternative to amnesty. Nevertheless, 43% supported the deportation option. Somehow, DLC-centrist William Galston lent his distinguished name to this sham.
What does this mean? Norman Lear thought he was being so cute and clever when he made the Archie Bunker character in All in the Family such a reprobate and bigot that he thought he was making fun of all the bigots out there. What happened was that Lear wasn’t ridiculous enough, that all he did was create a fictional character that was pretty much an accurate mirror image of a good percentage of the middle aged adult white man population of the time.
Likewise, Brookings thought it was being sarcastic by offering mass deportation as an option, only to be shocked to find out that people actually support it.
There have been plenty of stories in the recent past about Univision finishing ahead of “mainstream” OTA American networks in prime time ratings. But they always involved the summer months when the mainstreamers were on reruns and Univision was airing new Spanish language shows. Panic button time, I’ve been saying, is when Univision beats a mainstream net in a sweeps period.
If this didn’t make you give up the most recent meal you consumed, then you are part of the low information crowd.
Who is this? Click to find out.
Either that, or she anticipates trouble in Kanye West paradise. Kanye, I think your kardash in the sun is just about over.
Yeah, I’m dredging the bottom of the barrel to keep from having to talk about or think about that man.
I have only watched about ten seconds of that KarTRASHian show. But hearing about things that happen on it is unavoidable at least from where I sit.
While the oldest KarTRASHian sister is involved in a new relationship once every kardash, the middle one seems to be happily married to NBAer Lamar Odor. Well, at some point last year, the Lakers traded Mr. Middle Kardashian to the Dallas Mavericks. Apparently, Middle KarTRASHian herself did nothing but cry and whine and bitch on the show that she had to leave civilization (Southern California) and move to Dallas (tumbleweed hickville). Now, I wouldn’t expect any of the KarTRASHian sisters to know much of anything, so I wouldn’t expect the middle sister to know that Dallas has to be about the snootiest city in America. I’m sure she’s shopped at Needless Markup at least once in her life (or, more accurately, at least once per day). Where did it get its start and still has its flagship retail store? Dallas. Has she ever heard of the prime time TV soap opera Dallas? I’ll give her a hint: It was about Dallas. Ceteris Paribus, I bet there are more $100,000 cars in Dallas than there are in Los Angeles. There’s a saying in Texas: Dallas is champagne and caviar, Houston is beer and barbecue.
It wasn’t that she was too good for Dallas, it’s that Dallas was too good for her. I presume she knows that by now. And, as it is, Odor is back in Los Angeles, this time playing for the Clippers, which in our Onion world, is now the toast of the NBA. So it made her happy to be able to get out of Dallas, but not for the reasons she first thought.
The big news in Low Information City is that some guy who rides a bike and takes dope sat down for an interview with The Oprah. Then, Gayle King, whoever she is, interviewed The Oprah about her interviewing Lance Armstrong. Then, Charlie Rose interviewed Gayle King about her interview of The Oprah. This pile of dominoes probably ends at Piers Morgan.
It’s already leaking out in Forbes that Armstrong was short on contrition and long on blaming other people, namely other well known ‘roiders from the steroid era in professional sports and athletics. If he can find a way to blame Bush, he’s a shoo-in to go into the Obama White House. President’s Council on Physical Fitness? Why not? Tim Geithner had trouble complying with tax laws.
If the ratings are good enough for this “bonanza,” I see this ending with The Oprah triumphantly announcing her return to regular five-day-a-week over-the-air television starting this fall.
This says that Kim KarTRASHian and Kanye West have “committed” to an $11 million mansion in Bel-Air. Fine, but it’s kind of ironic to drag the concept of “commitment” into a headline about Kim KarTRASHian, who hasn’t committed to one single man for longer than 72 days in her life. Supposedly, Weird Al Yankovic defines the unit of time “kardash” as 72 days for that very reason.
She and Kris Humphries are still legally married. Wouldn’t it be just a hoot if his lawyer was able to find a way to get him into legally owning half that house? It will have an amenity that’s right in his wheelhouse (read on).
Speaking of the house, as it was sold, it has 11k sq.ft., but they’re gut rehabbing it to bump it up to 14k sq.ft. Because 11,000 square feet just isn’t quite big enough to raise a kid. She needs the extra room and the “movie theater and full hair and makeup salon, plus … a gym, bowling alley, basketball court and indoor and outdoor pool” that will be able to fit into the expanded house for the sake of herself, the kid, and the new quasi-stepfather that kid gets every kardash. Interesting that a basketball court is going in — Does she think that she can make up with her estranged husband? Or does she plan on screwing her brother-in-law Lamar Odom on the side and behind Khloe’s back? Or maybe with the duel pools, maybe she’s eyeing Michael Phelps and/or Ryan Lochte.
I’ll net this movie out:
Mid-level managerial munchkin is doing some complex mathematics using pen and paper. In a split second, he sees something so horrible that it makes his eyes bulge out, as if a super giant grizzly bear is making a beeline straight toward him. Cue the ominous orchestral music, and ramp it up as he hurriedly rushes out of his office, heads toward the elevators, waits for an “up” elevator to ring, then the music gets even louder as the elevator with him in it slowly makes its way upward to the top floor.
Munchkin gets to the top floor, sees the CEO in an impromptu meeting that at least to the CEO is more important business than talking to the Munchkin at the moment. Orchestral music calms down as Munchkin waits for the CEO to pay him attention. CEO finally does that, and the music stops. CEO and Munchkin walk off to the side.
Munchkin whispers to CEO, showing him his handwritten pen-and-paper math: “Did you know, sir? All our assets are built on top of the rock solid foundation of $720,000 mortgages issued to illegal alien Hispanic strawberry pickers making $14,000 a year.”
CEO whispers to Munchkin, while looking him in the eye: “Yeah, what could possibly go wrong?”
Related: Money Should Never Smooch
CNN’s Ali Velshi Might Be Right About How Low-Information America Understands Economics
RUSH: Ali Velshi, obviously, ladies and gentlemen, is a low-information reporter. Ali Velshi, the economics guru at CNN, said last night: “Republicans need to understand the difference between the debt ceiling and debt.”
He’s saying that you can’t use the debt ceiling to try to control spending, and he said the Republicans are making a big mistake. He said the American people understand economics now.
How? Is Kim Kardashian’s ass giving out economics lessons?
So we thought we’d put the theory that the American people understand economics now, Ali Velshi’s theory, to the test. So we went to Entertainment Tonight. We have a portion of Christina McLarty. She’s the infobabe at Entertainment Tonight. She had a report about speculation that Kim Kardashian may pose nude while pregnant.
She feels so blessed. But wait until the kid gets old enough to understand sexual reproduction. “What, I got half of my DNA from you and the other half from you? I’m utterly doomed.”
At least he or she will have a gold medal Olympic decathlete as a step grandfather in law.
In related news, more people are obsessing over what the baby will do to Kim KarTRASHian’s figure than what happened overnight in the Senate will do to their pocketbooks.
Banner ad on YT (click to enlarge):
He said he was going to lose his shit if Romney won the election. Too bad Romney didn’t win, because I would have wanted a front row seat to that.
Oh, and nice timing running this ad ultimately sponsored by a pharma that makes a Schedule II psycho-stimulant indicated to “treat” “ADHD” only four days after the Nutmeg Nutbar, God knows what he was on.
Title: It’ll Be a Better Christmas Without You (H/T RJP)
1. It’ll Be a Better Christmas Without You (Title Track)
2. Ho Ho Ho, I Caught My Man With a Ho
3. It’s Christmas Morning, So Why Is Your Shit Still In My House?
4. I Saw My Boyfriend Humping Daughter Claus
5. All I Want For Christmas Is For the Locksmith To Get Here Soon
6. Santa Baby (I Want Revenge Sex)
7. Have Yourself a Jerkoff Little Christmas (Cause You’re Not Getting Any More From Me)
8. I Saw Three Drunks
9. The Little Prepubescent Sandusky Jail Bait Drummer Boy
10. Hark Now Hear the Other Woman Sing
11. Frostette the Snow Woman (Was Another Skank In Your Life)
12. BONUS TRACK: Hitler Finds out Adele Cut a Christmas Album
There was once a dark and foreboding forest, where menacing wolf-like beasts subsisted purely on a diet of young shirtless white men. Lions Gate slapped a title on it and shipped it to theaters, where it grossed nine figures, lather rinse repeat multiple times. Meanwhile, they didn’t pay any taxes on that revenue because of creative Hollywood accounting. Yet, you, kiddos, are already $200,000 in debt apiece because of Obama and a few of his contemporaries and predecessors.
Ordinarily, I would react to this “news” by saying that not only do too many people have too much self-esteem, but also that too many people view the self-esteem of individuals and groups as a cure all.
However, she may have a point here. Any world populated with people dumb enough to turn Lady Gag into a celebrity has a big problem with self-esteem.
Ever want to know why movie after movie “loses money” yet Hollywood can still afford to keep making them?
That sound you don’t hear is indignation from Obama and the Democrats.
New York City
Because Nielsen sure doesn’t.
The only reason the CW is even profitable with its MSNBC-style ratings is because it engages in narrowcasting, i.e. its programming appeals to a certain demographic, in the CW’s case, teenagers and young adults. Madison Avenue loves narrowcasting; it’s an easy path to the eyeballs of a certain demographic. If you make zit cream, you’re buying on the CW, not the CBS Evening News. Vice versa if you make incontinence diapers.