The Pentagon

“Complains about bias.” Check.
“Advocates violence beyond what is normal.” Incomplete; I don’t know what they mean here by “normal.”
“Exhibits abrupt behavioral shifts.” Bonk. I’m the same snarky borderline OCD all the time.
“Needs empowerment.” Check. But nobody seems to be in the mood to want to kiss my ass all the time. Damn world.
“Is socially withdrawn.” Half check. That’s what happens when a g/f dumps you.
“Believes in conspiracies to the point of paranoia.” Half check. There isn’t a conspiracy theory out there that I haven’t believed for at least five minutes. Except my common sense usually negates most of them.
“Is frustrated with mainstream ideologies.” Check. I invented the word “lamestream.”
“Experiences personal crises and does not properly recover.” Check. It’s all the fault of my ex-g/fs.
“Demonizes others freely.” Check. To wit: Bachmann, M., West, A., Beck, G., and it only starts there.
“Lacks positive identity with country, unit, family or friends.” Half check. Think: Anyone who would be related to me or willingly be friends with me needs a tough exterior.
“Exhibits sudden reclusivness.” Half check. Again, the ex-g/fs.
“Is sympathetic to radical groups.” Check. I’ve belonged to most of them at some point in my life.
“Visits extremist websites/blogs.” Check. See the RSS feeds on this blog’s right side.
“Establishes website/blog to display extremist views.” Check check check. Snarkiest bastard on the internets…just remember that.
“Is personally connected with a grievance.” Check. The ex-g/fs will tell you that I’m the cause of grievance.
“Cuts ties with family and friends.” Half check. When you have family whose idea of Christmas presents is a case of beer, you have to disengage them from time to time.
“Isolates self from unit members.” Incomplete. By “unit” here, do they mean “CareUnit,” the old dryin’ out farm?
“Rhetoric is more intense and concentrated.” Check. That’s because people were complaining that my blog posts were too long.
“Attempts to recruit others to extremist causes.” Check, but the caveat is no success. I’m so bad at sales that I couldn’t sell an overcoat to an eskimo.
“Suddenly acquires weapons.” Half check. I acquired my first handgun at 21 years 1 day old, but haven’t bought or sold any other firearms since then. Maybe I could say “check” if I was asked this question two days after my 21st birthday.
“Organizes protests inspired by extremist ideology.” I can only answer half check. If Puggg is who I think he his, he can answer a whole check.
“Takes part in criminal activity or has trouble with law enforcement.” No check here, but I can’t say the same for my only first cousin on my father’s side…but none of it is his fault, I swear.
“Advocates violence as a viable option for various situations.” Half check. I have a “cold dead hands” bumper sticker, but I’m too much the coward to put it or any bumper sticker on my car.
“Shows a sudden shift from radical to normal behavior to conceal radical behavior.” No check here. I find equal parts value in the lamestream and extreme worlds, and divide myself so easily between them that I have one nut in the lamestream world and the other nut in the extreme world.
“Takes suspicious or unreported travel (either inside or outside the USA).” Check. I didn’t tell my uncle I was coming.
“Stores or collects mass weapons or hazardous materials.” Half check. You should see the underneath of my kitchen sink. I need all that stuff. You should see how I dirty up a shower. I can assure you that kitchen cleanser doesn’t get that stuff off.
“Verbally indicates hatred for the United States and/or the Constitution.” Sorry, no check here. I’d need to lobotomize my brain the convert to Islam before I can do that.
“Exhibits new interest in public or government facilities.” No check, but I may be getting too obsessed with houses for my own good.
“Inquires about WMD.” Check. A few weeks ago, I made numerous jokes about heat-generating Mac laptops to someone who owns one. Luckily for Hiroshima and Nagasaki, we had conventional nuclear ordnance instead of Mac laptops available as weapons in 1945.
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I guess this document is about me, somewhat.