Amazing, an egomaniac like me isn’t claiming to have written it.
In a similar vein, future news from the leftist septic think-tank:
“Social scientists discover that the social construct called crime is ‘…meaningless and too simplistic’ thus not subject to objective quantification. Conventional crime statistics have therefore been invalidated as inherently flawed due to the complexity of the issue and the cultural biases in defining crime itself.
Professor Gib Smedat of the Intercultural Awareness and Transgender Studies Program at Bantu International University of Illinois explains: ‘This represents a revolutionary sea-change in our thinking about interpersonal relationships…and a Get Out of Jail Free Card for heretofore oppressed former minorities.’
Though some less progressive law-enforcement agencies and vocal ultra-right hate groups identified by the Southern Poverty Law Center have been slow to accept the findings, the Justice Department spokesperson Louis Farrakhan says that the data are solid and conclusions unequivocal.
After consoling the hundreds of thousands of newly pardoned inmates families outside the U.S. Supreme Court building, a teary-eyed President Michelle Obama said that in her third term she would do everything in her power to ‘engage’ a dialogue with Americans, including law enforcement and mental health professionals, because ‘we can’t tolerate this anymore. These tragedies must end. And to end them we must change.’ She went on to explain that the reins of power have been transferred back ‘…to ‘the rightful owners of the country, who by their unjust slavery and toil, built this nation, the melting pot of civilization.’
As a symbol of this new revolution of equality and harmony the former “White House” will be repainted and renamed “The People’s Rainbow Center” to serve as a rallying point for people throughout the world who have suffered the false imprisonment and oppression of archaic white hegemony. The 103 year old Nelson Mandela will be present for the dedication.”