The Circumstance of Pomp

24 05 2017

Your Blogmeister’s Desk

A typical laudatory media message you’ll hear this time of year every year:

“Congratulations, high school graduates.  Here’s your reward for years of hard work and dedication.  And here’s to an alcohol-free celebration of it all.”

Translated:

“Here’s your meaningless piece of paper, which actually meant something as late as your grandparents’ generation, but a combination of affirmative action-fueled credential creep and cognitive stratification in recent decades has made meaningless, so much so that all it really signifies nowadays is that you had a pulse and a breath in the latter half of the month of May closest to your eighteenth birthday, and all it really means is that the previous thirteen years of your life are now over.  So, go now, all ye freshly minted grown men and women, who are now legally subject to execution if you commit first degree murder but can’t even drink a damned beer at your graduation parties, and head back into your parents’ basement, and then into a tertiary educational institution and start running up your debt odometer.  And realize that by the time your own children reach this same point in life, every menial job will require at least a Masters degree.”

I think I just ruined my chances ever to be a commencement speaker.

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2 responses

24 05 2017
Alright Dan

I take this to mean that your startup isn’t motivational speaking.

24 05 2017
countenance

Strangely, I’ve never been asked to volunteer at a suicide prevention hotline phone bank, either.

It's your dime, spill it. And also...NO TROLLS ALLOWED~!

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