Real Housewives of Cologne, Episode 5

31 01 2020


For me, time seemed to drag on very slowly until December 14.  Then, it came, and all that you know that came with it.  Since then, a month and a half has just disappeared into thin air before I could even blink my eye.  But ABL and I digress.

In this the first entire month of a new year and a new decade, and the first whole calendar month after our engagement, we started in on making wedding and honeymoon plans.

Then we discovered that there were a lot of things that just didn’t add up.

It led us to our first significant sacrifice as a couple.


Back on December 3, on the train between Braunschweig and Cologne, after the Freudian slip at the train station in Braunschweig, I threw myself all in to popping the question, and I figured how I was going to do it, which worked out perfectly to the plan. That part you know. But one other thing I did then was start thinking ahead to the actual wedding day, being confident in her one-word answer. There was sufficient time before June, so I was thinking of the traditional wedding month. I’m a Lutheran currently living in Germany, so you can probably figure out the city and the edifice I was thinking.  In case you can’t figure out, here’s a hint:  I think he really used glue.

Once the new year started, we got down to the brass tacks of the bureaucratic paperwork, planning the actual ceremony, and thinking about what we want to do for a honeymoon.

Then reality hit.

“Reality,” meaning several variables that converge and mash up with each other to make things unsustainably complicated.

The lesser problems are the logistics, trying to make June in Wittenberg and then our planned honeymoon fit around my work and her work. Both of us have some really big important deals and stretches coming up this year and next, especially me for next year. Then there is the matter that some of my next year’s business might still get pushed up to this year.

There’s something else riding along side all this, that will further complicate the way we carry these things out. I deliberately make it hard for anyone who doesn’t already know who I am to figure that out — I’m pretty good at wiping my own footprints from behind me. That said, I’m going to say even less about these domestic and family matters going forward in this space or on my social feeds. Things like marriage and wedding documents, and birth certificates, while they’re not as easily searchable here in Germany as they are in the United States, they still are to an extent. For those of you who I know and trust, I’ll keep you updated in private. For the rest of you, don’t expect the next installment of RHOC for a very long time.

These problems are a hassle enough on their own, but they’re not even the big major problem, though they do have a dynamic relationship with the big major problem.

What’s the big major problem?

I think you’ll also be able to figure that out easily, based on what I’ve already told you in previous installments of RHOC.

It goes like this:







With every tick, the next tock becomes all the more loud, and vice versa.

Remember, she turns 33 in May.

I know things have changed in a lot of ways, but they haven’t changed so much, such that the soon-to-be Mrs. Blogmeister wants to be pretty far along, or even anywhere along, while wearing the white wedding dress on her wedding day; That would look and seem and feel out of place, even in this day and age. But, on the other hand, the longer we wait, the more we run the risk of permanent operational failure, in that which is the prime directive for living organisms on this planet. Not counting that, like I wrote above, 2021 is going to be a year where my two-ended candle is burning at three ends, and I don’t want to be on the road when the moment comes.

So, when you mash up our career and work logistics, with her biological clock ticking more and more loudly, with morally keeping up some semblance of appearances, with me not wanting to be on the road when her water breaks, it’s easy to see why a big lavish wedding on the other side of the country five months from now just doesn’t make sense.

While we’re not faced with the absolute 100% certainty of the either-or choice of an extravagant June wedding ceremony in one of history’s most important churches, or procreating, but not both, it is practically that way for us, for all intents and purposes.

‘Tis are the exigencies of two people who aren’t exactly young, and have established careers and responsibilities, and one of them whose biological clock is ticking louder and louder, getting married. Last month, I wrote that the two of us alone are paying for the costs of this wedding and honeymoon, because we’re not some 19-year olds who are barely in the shadow of throwing our Oxford caps up in the air and who are sticking our hands out to everyone else because we suddenly decided we want to play house. On second thought, if that’s what we were, we wouldn’t be burdened by incumbent responsibilities or hearing the biological clock ticking, such that we could have our dream wedding scheduled many months ahead of time, pending the generosity of benefactors. But now that we can on our own afford to have any but the most extravagant possible wedding, the very things which allow that are the very things that are partially responsible for our not being able to do that. You can rob Peter to pay Paul, or vice-versa, but both shall never get.


I think you can figure out what all this means: We’re going to have a more subdued ceremony, and relative to how weddings go, in very short order. It will also be much closer to home, not only because geographically closer is logistically easier if it’s short order, but also because a short order wedding needs to be reasonably close to where the bride’s and/or groom’s people are in order for them to come. (As you can guess, almost all the people there will be bride’s people. The only groom’s people, or to correct my grammar, groom’s person, that I’m credibly anticipating, will be my quasi-uncle slash best man, who will have no problem being able to do that duty, even with our pushed up date. Even if we were able to do it in June, he would still probably be the only one of my people who could make that long trip across a whole ocean.) To put it another way, if we were having it in June, then a far away location like Wittenberg wouldn’t hurt the prospects of her people attending, because they would have enough time to make plans and clear days on their calendar. But now that we’re doing it much sooner, and yes, we have the date and location and venue set, there’s no way there would be that much of a turnout if the sooner was also far away. By necessity, we have to trade off distance for time.

More than that, I will not say in public. Yes, it’s going to be nice, and worthy, and memorable, and it will be in a distinctive location and edifice; It would be an enviable high percentile wedding for most couples. And we’ll still be able to go on our planned honeymoon, the details of which are also set, albeit in July, (provided no complications). Yet and still, we are both making sacrifices for the sake of more important matters at hand.

So, that’s all there is to it. We both thought all along that being married is more important to us than getting married, and fate wound up testing us.

All I hope is that our children will be eternally grateful.


In old business, and tying together an older loose end, the soon-to-be Mrs. Blogmeister did admit to me through the month that, after the way that Due Diligence November worked out so well, that she did get the hunch that I would rather soon propose to her. What surprised her, as it turned out, was how soon I did it — She was thinking more along the lines of Valentines Day, my birthday or her birthday. Too, my soon-to-be father-in-law kinda figured a proposal was coming, after we had that early November meeting in his office, though, again, he wasn’t expecting so soon.


In coming attractions, yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death — I’ll be in Hamburg for the majority of next month, on business. It will be my first time back to Screwball City since the vacation, when we spent two days there. I have not had an occasion to go there since moving here, until now. And I hope I can make it out alive.



One response

31 01 2020
Alright Dan

Many happy returns, no matter when you depart.

It's your dime, spill it. And also...NO TROLLS ALLOWED~!

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