Dry Contradiction Well

24 04 2017


Dallas Morning News:

Aspiring rapper convicted in bloody Dallas drug house robbery that left 3 dead

I just thought of something:  Take off the trailing “g” and it would be aspirin. Though “aspirin rapper” doesn’t have the same ring.  Then you’d need “acetaminophen rapper.”

Justin Pharez Smith once wanted to be a famous rapper. Now he’s a convicted killer who could be sentenced to death.

As if that’s a contradiction.  Google “aspiring rapper” and you won’t find many stories about Nobel Prizes.

The day before Smith systematically gunned down four people in a Dallas drug house robbery, he released “Fear,” a song in which he rhymed “body bags” and “toe tags.”

Yes, it’s hard to imagine the artist behind such a sweet romantic ditty going right out the next day and murdering people.

The former University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff student once delivered an anti-drug, anti-violence spoken-word performance in Washington, D.C.

That’s not really a contradiction, either.  I’ve noted in this space several times in the past that the cottage industry of the gang mitigation industrial complex consists in part of a conga line of “former” gang bangers who schlep from school to school, from rec center to rec center, telling lil’ shorties how not to get mixed up in gangs.  Though you’d think that people who never were in gangs would be the kind of people giving out that advice.

The difference is that those kind of people do the thuggy thing first and then start in on the anti-violence hustle.  This one merely got the order reversed.

He could be sentenced to death when the punishment phase of his trial begins Monday.

Don’t worry.  Even if he is, he’ll have plenty of time on death row while all the paperwork and legal hassle is worked out to drop a sheeyt load of mixtapes.

The rampage that may lead Smith to death row was miles removed from his youth in Pine Bluff, where he grew up with his grandparents and regularly attended church. Smith was involved in a college mentorship program at UAPB and was an active member of the Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity.

Many a narrative fall down go boom with that paragraph.

And if you’re in the mood for even more aspiring rapper, call up my oldie but goodie.

For Prophets

16 04 2017


There were a few people in my close internet social circle who, when the Faceberg Live instant-access live stream service started, that it would turn out to be a disaster for, ahem, certain communities.

This afternoon made them prophets.

Morning Train

10 04 2017

Madison, Wisconsin

Where were you and what were you doing when you first heard about the concept of Ebonics?

Me?  November 1995.  As it happened, I was on the MissingLink, one morning that month, on my way to school.  I had the most recent dead tree and ink edition of The Spotlight in my bookbag, and I figure I’d catch up on some real news.  One of the smaller articles was about a gaggle of black studies profs demanding that “black vernacular dialect,” as the concept was introduced, should be normalized.  Though back in ’95, “normalized” wasn’t really a word, and neither was “problematic.”  The very idea of a thing being a thing wasn’t a thing and wouldn’t be a thing for about another twenty years.  Later in the article, it quoted the pseudo-academics as they dropped a word that I heard about for the very first time:  Ebonics.

I thought to myself:  “Nobody will ever take this shit seriously.”

More than a year later, December 1996, the Oakland School District board passes a resolution along the same lines.  Off to the races.

Turns out people actually did “take this shit seriously.”  Thankfully, the only kind of people that do are problacktards, pathological altruists, cucks, panderers, wannabe Michelle Pfeiffers, rappers, Can’t Teach for America program participants.  Everyone else treats the concept somewhere between pejorative and ridicule.

So, when I read this, I hope none of you are thinking this is a brand new thing.  It’s more than half as old as I am, and I would not be surprised if a few of you told me that this actually started in the late ’60s.


Wicked Racial Profiling Trick

5 04 2017

Fort Worth, Texas

This would ordinarily speak all:

But it gets better, if you can believe that:

“I couldn’t understand why Paul was sentenced to death. When you think of the death penalty, you think of serial killers. You don’t think of a robbery-murder, like my son committed,” she said.

Unless the robbery-murder was heinous.  Before that, we read:

Her son, Paul Storey, and an accomplice were convicted in the 2006 shooting death of 28-year-old Jonas Cherry during a robbery. Storey is scheduled to be executed on April 12.

“Jonas.”  Kinda sounds like a white name.

Thankfully, I have access to internet search engines, something that is apparently not available to those that write for the NYDN.  And Mr. Internet Search Engine leads me to this, just to prove that Jonas Cherry was white and the murder was heinous.

An Unusual Usual Suspect

1 04 2017


It’s an area that’s already close to its last nerve when it comes to traffic.

When I first saw what and where, my guess was that it was one of the many free-floating Mohammeds we’ve got runnin’ around, looking to leverage a simple fire to disable a very crucial metropolitan and regional traffic choke point.

Turns out it was just some garden variety crackhead out of his mind.

Ten Bellcurvey Elements

30 03 2017

Miami Gardens, Florida

I count ten bellcurvey elements.  I did not count the lesbian angle as bellcurvey.

Carol City High?  Trayvon Martin.  Or rather, that’s where Sir Skittles went before his mother unloaded his troublemaking self on his father in the Orlando area.

My Old School

28 03 2017


And right on the Canfield Green, to beat all.

Don’t think anything will come of it, in spite of the location.  That’s because the circumstances are not at all ambiguous.  On top of that, it was a security guard, not an actual cop, who did the shooting.

Also, is there anything bellcurvier these days than a pit bull?