Crowdsourced Head Shrinks

1 03 2018

Your Blogmeister’s Secret Hideout

As I make my way through the months of my recovery, in a state of “hurry up and wait” and “one day at a time” to find out if and when the really big leaps of my cognitive and physical restoration happen, I’m having a really curious psychological problem.

Just so you know, I’ve got two real head shrinks working on the matter, and they’ve given me advice that is partially the same but partially different.

But I’m going to crowdsource my dilemma to the amateurs in my peanut gallery.

I’m in a Catch-22.

I’ve always had ambitions that have run out ahead of my reality a little bit.  Ordinarily, that’s a good thing, because I have taillights in my nearby field of vision at all times that I can chase.

But in my current state, my ambition is a curse, because my ambitions have not changed, but my reality has taken yuge and bigly leaps backward.

Part of my head problems here in the months of my recovery have involved the fact that that disparity is driving me batty, making me depressed, and on occasion, suicidal.  The Catch-22 is that if I just punt away my ambition right now, what if I suddenly get all the way better in pretty short order?  Ambition is easy to forfeit and extremely hard to get back.  I could either keep my ambition which makes me depressed, or give up on it risking a potential quick recovery meaning I’ll be capable but permanently unambitious.

So I’m stuck between the rock of I can’t have my ambition and the hard place of I can’t not have my ambition, because I’m screwing my own pooch no matter which side I pick.

What do I do?


Shakespeare or Schrodinger

13 02 2018

Granada, Spain

I hate myself, therefore, I love myself.