Pre-Vacation Wrap-Up

After work today, I’m heading straight to south central Missouri to spend the rest of this week and the weekend with my uncle.  I won’t spend my entire vacation there, just long enough to avoid being in St. Louis for weed day and the affixed weekend.

LOCAL AND REGIONAL

*  People in the loony bin aren’t supposed to have sharp objects.  The problem is, most of the men aren’t so far gone as to forget that secondary use for their organ.

*  No word yet on the suspects, but the initial mugging took place very near some mini-“proggekts” on the corner of Spring and Delor.  UPDATE:  Suspects bagged.  As it was easy to predict, they are three future nuclear scientists who fell in with the wrong crowd.

What’s also curious is that they made off with her own car, which happens to be a Chrysler 300, a stereotypical ghettomobile.

*  Dear Goofy:  Missouri is a swing state, and CBC alumni might make the difference.

*  Herbert Hoover Boys & Girls Club dropping the 31st President from its name.  I wonder if any members of the HHBGC could tell you who Herbert Hoover was.

*  Another Devlin in the making?

NATIONAL

*  Hearkening back to the reason I’m getting out of Dodge, it seems to me that hell is freezing over.  Why?  Because the University of Colorado is trying to scuttlebutt 4/20 Day.  I might be wrong, but I think the very concept of smoking cannabis resin for the hallucinogenic effect was invented at the University of Colorado.

*  Arizona wins one in Federal court, in the 9th Circus, no less.  This is about Voter-ID.  Like ole Blue Eyes once said, if he could make it there, he’s gonna make it anywhere.  If Voter-ID is okay with the NINTH FREAKIN’ CIRCUS, then that shows you what SCOTUS will do.

*  Tax season is now over.  I’m through with bean counting for awhile, and my new job won’t be in that field.  So I’ll leave it up to you to figure whether this analysis is half-baked or not.

*  Weston, Florida is no South Beach.  The last three paragraphs are the dead giveaway.

*  AP wins a Pulitzer for exposing NYPD “spying” on Muslims.  I can assure you of this:  Info Wars and Alex Jones won’t win a Pulitzer for Pig-Gate in Michigan.  Don’t expect the Breitbart empire ever to win a Pulitzer for anything, either.  Countenance Blog?  Fuggeghtabowdit.

*  Let me help Kris Kobach out a little bit.  The Constitution gives the Federal government the power to implement a uniform rule of naturalization.  This means the Federal government gets to decide who is a legal alien, and an illegal alien, and the terms by which non-citizens can earn citizenship.  It does not preclude states from enforcing immigration laws, as long as they use the Federal definitions thereof.

*  Duh.  Always be suspicious of anything that comes out of law enforcement crime labs.  That’s because the law enforcement agency owns them and pays the scientists and the lab technicians.

*  The Era of Hope and Change (TM) didn’t turn out to be so hopey and changey after all.

Conveniently, not listed here are the numerous black-on-white and black-on-everyone else hate crimes in The Era of Hope and Change (TM).

I figured The Era of Hope and Change (TM) would be a big bust, and the Jesse-and-Al race industry would get louder instead of quieter.  The reason I predicted that was because I knew a lot of people were investing far too many wild and lofty expectations in the person of Barack H. Obama II.  So when paradise and utopia didn’t materialize, as we all knew it wouldn’t, certain people would get angry and lash out.

*  Drinking game:  Chug every time you read “diversity” or “diverse” in this article.

The answer is twenty-four, so don’t make it too big of a chug.

*  Maybe Winthrop University could use a little of THIS diversity.

*  A rich guy pays a lower tax rate than his secretary.

Difference?  HIS secretary only makes $90K.  Which, in a city like Washington, D.C., doesn’t go far.  That’s certainly not enough to buy a second home in another city.  It’s probably barely enough to buy a first house in D.C.

*  “Watches?”  More like “organizes.”

*  A New York State Senator wants public bus and train operators to be armed with tasers.

It’s the same New York State Senator who wants the NYPD to end “stop and frisk,” i.e. stop enforcing the law against blacks and Hispanics.

*  The American subspecies of Africanus Bellcurvius has only one known natural predator.

*  Taquanda and Quantavious are involved.  Therefore, nothing good could have ever come of it.

Speaking of which, I remember last fall a young man named Shitavious was popped for murder in Decatur, Illinois.  I wonder how his murder trial is going.

*  Another dumb cop goes to the wrong house.  Usually, these things end up with human beings being killed, so this thing ended up not quite as bad as usual.

*  Brother Skittles speaks.  Notice he has a different last name.

*  They give us the usual mehe description of “black man early 20s medium build.”  But how could they tell for the burqua?

INTERNATIONAL

*  Bounties.  They’re all the rage these days.

*  He who pays the piper (i.e. finances the country’s budget deficit) calls the tune.

MISC STUFF

*  Yeah, we were really going to miss LaRussa and Pujols.

Let’s see.  Mr. Universe’s stat line through 11 games as a Los Angeles Angel of Anaheim of Southern Mexifornia:  .267, a big fat 4 RBI, and no HRs.  And that’s his first 11 games in the first season of ten in a quarter-gigabuck contract.  Arte Moreno is going to pull his hair out of his head in year six or seven of this contract, because it’s a stair-stepped contract, meaning his salary increases over time, even though we know his “production” will wane.

The Angels are 4-7.  Meanwhile, the team he left, which was supposed to be doomed for his departure, is 8-3.

*  America is now officially Sillyville, if actual news makes us think of 1970s sitcoms.

This case, it isn’t Fonzie jumping over a shark.

*  Just call it the middle age SAT.

*  The inventor of the internet is worried about government censorship.

I’m glad Al Gore is finally waking up.